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17 GIFs that explain what sex is like after 14 years of marriage

Julie Sprankles is a freelance writer living in the storied city of Charleston, SC. When she isn't slinging sass for SheKnows, she enjoys watching campy SyFy creature features (Pirahnaconda, anyone?), trolling the internet for dance work...

More than a decade into marriage, sex is different — these GIFs explain how

When I met my husband, I was young and willowy and full of libido. Fast forward 14 years, two kids and a few extra pounds later, and our sex life isn't what is once was. But hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Here a few GIFs to help illustrate the key differences between sex and sex now.

The "signal"

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

In the beginning, though, it seemed as though nothing on earth existed for any other purpose than to work us into a hot, sweaty mess of desire for each other. We could have been discussing calculus, and it would have been the sexiest thing in the world. I barely had to blink in his direction, and we'd already be halfway to the bedroom.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

Subtlety and sexual innuendo don't do much good when you're both nearly catatonic from working all day and serving as refs every night when your kids duke it out mini-MMA style. By the time the kids go to sleep, it would take nothing short of blunt force trauma to break my husband's SportsCenter trance. Well, that or just telling him I want to have sex.

The build-up

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

As if we could keep our hands off each other long enough to walk like rational beings to the bedroom! It was as though all the air had been sucked from the room, and we were each other's oxygen.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

I mean, I'm headed that way... but a girl's gotta brush her teeth, right? I never seemed to worry about such things when I was younger and caught up in the heat of the moment. Now I think about things like the heat of my dragon breath hitting his face mid-coitus.

The art of undressing

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

For him, it was all about the slow undress. Peeling away his clothes one layer at a time, working me over after shedding each layer — it was the ultimate pre-game tease. By the time he actually fully disrobed, I was ready to burn every last article of clothing he owned.

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

For me, it was all about the undergarments. Beneath my blouse or dress was always some sexy lingerie. Teeny tiny see through bits of fabric and lace that I undoubtedly shelled out half my then-meager paycheck for at Victoria's Secret.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

There's nothing slow about the way my husband gets undressed these days. At the mere mention of sex, he turns into a ninja of nakedness.

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

Sure, I might break out the little negligees for anniversaries or other special occasions, but most nights I'm rocking a big cozy T-shirt. And, to be quite honest, I'm not even sure if it's mine. Could be my husband's, could be one my lumberjack of a cousin left last time he visited. What? It's coming off anyway, right?

Le ol' foreplay

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

I mean, really, what wasn't foreplay back then? Before we ever even crossed the threshold of sex, we would spend hours doing all manner of naughtiness to each other. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

Are you serious? We're lucky if we stay awake long enough to even get to the sex part of the sex most nights. We've cashed in our foreplay tokens in exchange for an extra hour of sleep in the morning.

Dirty talk

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

Girl, we use to say things to each other that would make a sailor blush! We were so bold and so naughty back then. If talking about calculus turned us on, you can only imagine what not talking about calculus did for our sex drives.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

I think when I gave birth, right along with the babies came that dirty little part of my brain that was uninhibited enough to say naughty, naughty things. We roll much more conservatively nowadays, but I try to throw him a bone every now and then (and vice versa, I guess you could say).

The main event

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

Oh, yeah. I remember those days. Everything looked sexy and felt sexy and was sexy. We were totally in sync and nothing could break our rhythm. We were like the One Direction of f***ing.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

"Wait... stop... did you hear that? I think I heard one of the kids crying. No, maybe that was just the dog whining. Wait, wait. Are you sure you don't hear anything? Never mind, keep going." Now, simply repeat that six times and you'll have an idea of what sex with two kids under six in the house is like.

See also: The first three months post-childbirth when my vagina essentially turned into Gandalf.

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

True story.

Post-coital state

Then...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

After our marathon sex sessions, we'd lie in bed staring at each other. Sometimes we'd stay up all night talking. Others we'd stay up all night... not talking.

Now...

GIF Credit: Giphy.com

Sometimes I'm not even entirely sure my husband has physically exited the building, if you catch my drift, before he passes out. Within five minutes of getting that release, he's out for the night. I could probably punch him in the wiener at this point and he wouldn't even wake up.

P.S. Here's the good news: Quality over quantity wins out, people. Sure, we might have had a lot more sex when we were younger, but we needed to — we were still figuring each others bodies out. Now we now exactly what buttons to push and when. And it's glorious.

This post was sponsored by Sex Tape. For more sex shenanigans, buy it now on DVD.

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