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9 Starbucks flavors that should totally be turned into condoms

Krissy Brady is a women’s health + lifestyle writer who’s so out of shape, it’s like she has the innards of an 80-year-old. Instead of learning how to crochet, she decided to turn her emotional baggage into a writing career (genius, no?)...

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

It's almost fall, and you know what that means: Everywhere you turn, you'll find pumpkin-themed and flavored everything… well, except for condoms. The internet was all aflutter last weekend with rumors that Durex was coming out with a pumpkin spice-flavored condom:

The pumpkin flavor lobby must be stopped. pic.twitter.com/CPwUThgHj1

— Wagatwe Wanjuki (@wagatwe) September 7, 2014

Only, you know, it's totally not true:

Bazinga!

Sad news for those who want to pumpkin spice up their sex life (I know, I'm lame) — I mean, there are condoms that taste like scotch, bacon, pot, even garlic, so really, why not your favorite latte? Wouldn't it be ah-mazing if you could bring your favorite Starbucks flavor to bed with you? Some of their names are practically condom-worthy already.

1. Vanilla Bean

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: aliciathomas/Tumblr

Because you're dying to say, "Bean there, done him."

2. Orange Mango Smoothie

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: Shelbeatzzz/Tumblr

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

3. Double Chocolaty Chip

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: applemaiden/Tumblr

Because single chocolaty would never do.

4. Strawberries & Crème

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: crushable.com

Not cream, people. Crème.

5. Passion Tango

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: who-inbeirut/Tumblr

This would also make a great porn name.

6. Caramel Macchiato

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: steveandbuckyalways/Tumblr

Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

7. Iced Peppermint

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: i-hate-you-beastie/Tumblr

I mean, who wants to choke on gum when they're trying to get it on?

8. Cool Lime

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: prochoiceamerica/Tumblr

Don't forget the tequila.

9. Very Berry Hibiscus

Pumpkin spice, shmumpkin spice: These are the Starbucks flavors that should be condoms

Photo credit: goodreads.com

Would this also count as a serving of fruit? Anyone?

More sex tips

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