What's far more important is creating a soulful relationship by learning to link your values with theirs. Then both of you can feel that your inner traits are being honored and served.
One way to know when your values are not linked to each other's is when you encounter one-sided conversations, or alternating monologues, when a person is speaking about what's meaningful to him or her, while the other's mind is wandering away to his or her own concerns. Either link your values, shift the conversation or move on, because monologues are almost a sure stop for disappointing or dissatisfying relationships.
Be mindful, however, that people's values may change. Certainly, milestones can cause priorities to shift. A life-threatening illness, a midlife crisis or the birth of a child, anything that triggers people to reassess and rethink what's important to them, so it's crucial you continue to talk about your values with those you care about.
List your top five values on one side of a piece of paper, and write someone else's top five on the other side; ideally someone who is significant to you, such as your mate or partner, someone you'd love to communicate with more effectively and appreciate more.
Now think of at least five ways in which the other person's top five values helps you fulfill your first priority. Next, list at least five ways in which your top value helps the other person fulfill theirs.
Then go down the list; write down five ways in which each of the other person's values support your highest value and each item on your list contributes to their number one value. Continue this process for the four remaining items for each person, giving ways in which each one of your values is beneficial for every one of the other person's, and vice versa. When this is done, a new door for communication and (if desired) intimacy is opened.
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