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5 Flirtation strategies to help you bounce back from a nasty breakup

Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld are the irresistible flirting experts who collectively wrote Smitten: The Way of the Brilliant Flirt.

First order of business is to peel your face off that sob-soaked pillow and start flirting!

Photo credit: Stockbyte/Stockbyte/Getty Images

So you recently suffered a gut-wrenching, soul-smashing heart-crushing breakup? Sorry, but we can't help you get your ex back. We actually think you probably broke up for a good reason. But we can help you get yourself back. First order of business is to peel your face off that sob-soaked pillow and start practicing one of the most healing and transformative activities known to humankind: flirting. Read on to see how strategic flirtation can help repair your broken parts and piece you back together better than new.

Play the field

The psychedelic absinthe poetry reading, the intimate cocktail party with masked guests, the nudist whale-watching weekend off the coast of Maine… remember all those gatherings that your significant other banned you from attending? Now is the time to make your appearance. Expand your playing field by saying yes to every invitation and getting in the mix with a brand new crowd. Nothing lifts the spirits like witty banter through the mouthpiece of a Venetian mask.

Play for a different team

When out flirting, avoid ex-lookalikes; do not just try to replace what you lost. Instead, re-orient yourself toward totally new types. If you were always into Nordic blonds, try to seduce a fiery Latin. If you go for old stallions, try on a young colt. Take advantage of this fresh start to challenge your past preferences and expand your horizons. Break the old mold and discover yourself anew through an atypical mate.

Play a new role

It is common to get stuck in rote roles while in relationship. You play a part that complements your mate and you believe that’s all you are. Well, your old role can die now. Instead of playing thoughtful listener, you can play inappropriate joke-maker. Or instead of playing hardworking breadwinner, you can play money-blowing anarchist. When out flirting, pick up a new script and act in ways you couldn’t while committed. Your new behavior will create the novel experiences you need to leave the past behind.

Play with yourself

When committed, all of your flirtatious energy gets funneled to your partner. It’s easy to lose sight of the most important person to please: yourself. Now that you’re single, you can focus on flirting with you. What would titillate your senses, where would you like to enjoy a cocktail, how can your most selfish pleasures be fulfilled? Now is the time to indulge in all of the self-satisfying activities you had to push aside when partnered.

Play hardball

Now that you’ve been dragged through the breakup coals, no more Mister Nice Guy. An ending always brings a fresh start, meaning you can set new standards for how you want to be treated. Get really real about what wasn’t working in your past dynamic and don’t take less than the best from now on. Be straight up with others. Say "no" with a straight face. Or say, “I want you” with a straight face. Relish this opportunity to raise the bar, and stick to it. Pretty soon you’ll realize that sure, your past partner was a vital player in your evolution, but with your fresh start, oh the places you’ll go!

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