Between the confusion of gender roles in society and the few bad boys spoiling it for the many good guys out there, it's no wonder the male sex is so misunderstood. To dismiss just a few myths, we asked experts to spill why what women think they know about guys isn't exactly true — and what to do about it.
If it seems every relationship ends with a guy breaking your heart, you may start to think all men are heart-breakers — but it's truly not the case. "Likely, you haven't had five bad relationships, but you've had one bad relationship five times," says relationship expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women... Is Men. "What about you has you selecting the wrong guy?" Look for the commonalities between your exes — hot-tempered, emotionally unavailable — and avoid the trait you're seemingly drawn to.
Oh, they sure do, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Chief Scientific Officer at Match.com. The aloof male figure is just a stereotype. More guys claim love at first sight than women according to past research Fisher has done for Match, and more men also commit suicide after breakups than their female counterparts. So, dismiss the myth that guys aren't as invested or connected to their relationships as women. They are.
Think about it this way: "I recently posed this idea to a group of three women. I said, 'I bet you could all list three men who would marry you tomorrow if you'd allow it. Problem is, one's your doorman, one is the guy from high school who was a dud...' All women want the attractive guy who's the head of the bank." The wrong guy isn't going to commit — but that doesn't mean the right guy won't commit to a girl he's crazy about.
Sure, guys want sex, but that doesn't mean all men want is casual sex. Good guys want more. "Men see sex the same way women do — it's connection-based," says Orlando. To determine where his intentions are at, ask yourself whether he's emotionally invested in the relationship before getting physical. If he seems disconnected before sex, he won't be more connected after. "Value yourself first," Orlando says. "If you put up with shi*** treatment, you are going to get that."
False. If you find yourself miffed that he's not getting the door or automatically picking up every tab, here's why: "Men have slowly lost their 'place' in society," Orlando says. "Men don't know what women want." Frequently, we ladies want to be treated just like men half the time and be taken care of by men the other half, and guys have zero clue when to try and fulfill each separate desire. Oftentimes, you can clear this up by stating your wants and needs. Honestly, he'd probably love to know.
Men are more visual, but it's not as nit-picky as it sounds. They are drawn to a woman's appearance faster than vice versa, but attraction is what's key, and it's big for both men and women. Once that exists, guys aren't critiquing your appearance. They don't see those extra five pounds. He's not looking at scars, blemishes and stretch marks either. "A guy who is really into you will see past all that," says Orlando. "Women are so much harder on themselves than men."
Fisher calls this "the great American myth." Guys want that all-encompassing love just as much as women do. It's an innate longing. "I have discovered so much evidence to prove it," Fisher says. "The need for sex and love lies deep in the brain — it lies right next to the brain regions for thirst and hunger. There is every reason to believe men want a committed relationship, and they have for millions of years."
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