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Why sex in your 30s and 40s is better than it ever was in your 20s

Deborah Cruz is a SheKnows parenting expert and blogger at The TRUTH About Motherhood, which she calls a place of "humor, support, honesty and integrity." Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

You know what you like in bed. This isn’t your first rodeo. Confidence is a big turn-on for you both.

happy couple in bed

Photo credit: Assembly/Digital Vision/Getty Images

Talk about something to look forward to, how about knowing that sex in your 30s and 40s is way better than it ever was in your 20s. I swear it's the truth.

Sex in your 20s is exciting and new and really flexible in every sense of the word. I used to be like a little compact acrobat. Everyone is pretty and smooth in their 20s and nothing jiggles. Things from Victoria's Secret are involved. When you're in your 20s you can spontaneously have sex anywhere at anytime because you are free and fast (old people can't run from the cops that fast). Sleep and food are optional. People who haven't slept in six years or peed alone or eaten a warm meal in half a decade... we need our sleep.

Way back before we had toddlers kicking us in the head while we slept, sex was fun and spontaneous and the bounce-back time was immediate and, just between you and me, it could go on for hours. It was exciting but, to be honest, it wasn't all that great. The quantity was out of this world but the quality was just... meh and I was not a big fan of all the chafing. And snuggling for more than 15 minutes has always made me feel like I was trapped like a rat, but the walk of shame made me feel like I was a slut, so I just did a lot of sex ghosting.

Then I got married and the sex was out of this world because we were all in love and still young enough to be all bendy and experimental and spontaneous and do things like make love under the stars, on the terrace, or in the pool or anywhere really. Then, just when the sex was top notch, we had kids and then the quickies started because there is no such thing as lovemaking when a 2-year-old can bust in the door like the police at any moment. Well, it might make it a little exciting, but mostly it made my stomach hurt. And to be real honest, mostly I just passed on it a lot because it was way more trouble than it was worth.

But then, you find yourself knee-high into your mid 30s and the kids are no longer co-sleeping and it's just you and him again, alone in bed from midnight until 3 a.m. (when some wandering preschooler climbs in alongside you). Suddenly, you realize a few things, and sex in your 30s and 40s is 1,000 times more mind-blowing than it ever was in your college days of one-night stands (if you were into that sort of thing).

Here are reasons why sex gets better with age.

That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it

You know what you like in bed. This isn't your first rodeo. This man has seen a baby evacuate your vagina. There are no secrets. You've been having sex with the same man for 10-plus years, you've tried all the positions, toys and fantasies. You know what gets you hot and bothered and what not to bother with at all.

Talk dirty to me

You are not afraid to tell him what you like in bed. He's your best friend with benefits and your soul mate. You are like war buddies; you've been through hell and newborns together. You can tell him anything and he'll listen. He's been sleep deprived with you too, so he's not getting offended when you tell him what can get you to where he wants you to go quicker.

Ooh, baby that's what I like

He knows what you like in bed (or the floor or the kitchen countertop, whatever the case may be). All those years together having sex, he's picked up a few tricks and he knows what you like and he's not afraid to give it to you. Hey, he'll wear those chaps for you if you’ll be his cowgirl.

Turn on the lights

You are more confident. When you are young, you may not be all that sure of your sexual prowess or what you even like because maybe you've not gotten around enough, but once you've gotten a little older, you've gotten more experienced and you know what you're good at and what you're not. Stick with what you know and dominate that bedroom. He'll get turned on just from your confidence.

I touch myself, I want you to touch me

You are more accepting of your body. When you're in your 20s no one, no matter how hot they may look, feels that hot. We're just coming off the insecurity of the teen years. But once you're in your 30s and 40s you are more forgiving and accepting of your body... especially when you see how fantastic you looked in your 20s. You strut your stuff and that is a turn on for both of you.

Last but not least, it's been so long since you last had sex on a regular basis that your hymen grew back. Just kidding. The truth is though that women don't hit their sexual peak until their mid 30s, so why not enjoy every single minute of it?

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