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Potential soul mate or another d-bag in denim? Here's how to spot the difference

Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld are the irresistible flirting experts who collectively wrote Smitten: The Way of the Brilliant Flirt.

Brilliant flirtation is the equivalent of flipping to the last page of the book and discovering if you've been courting Prince Charming or Cruella De Ville.

flirting couple eating pizza

Photo credit: Jordan Siemens/Digital Vision/Getty Images

Life is full of mysteries. Sometimes we have the stamina to savor the unknown. Other times we abhor the waiting and just want to see how the story ends, already. The dating world is no different. When we spot a potential mate there are times when it would be really awesome to have a solid sense of the character before us. Who is this person? Are they even in the ballpark of being a good match for us? Brilliant flirtation is the equivalent of flipping to the last page of the book and discovering if you've been courting Prince Charming or Cruella De Ville. Here’s why.

The brilliant flirt is conversationally uninhibited

Using Smitten techniques like "quirky question" or "secret thoughts," you can get pertinent information within just a few minutes of shaking hands. For example, veer onto the topic of relationship history and you'll learn loads about the other person’s situation, fast. If you innocently ask, "When was the last time you were in love?" and they reply A) never been in love, B) two years ago, C) two weeks ago or D) right now, well all of that is good information. It will give you a sense of their experience in romance and what they might expect from you. If they're rebounding, you might just be a nice piece of tail for the night. If single for a substantial period, there may be greater potential for relationship. If they’ve never loved another soul, perhaps an indication of some emotional/psychological issues? Either way, you can now make a more informed decision about whether to pursue or peruse for the next.

The brilliant flirt reveals his or her true self.

Instead of waiting three dates to show who you truly are, you choose to be authentic right from the jump. This way you can get a very clear sense about how your guy or girl responds to the real you. Is she delighted by your enthusiastic exclamations about your craft brew or does she try to squash your joy? Does he playfully further your thought about the link between fire ants and chemical warfare, or does he just give you a blank stare? Brilliant flirting will help you assess whether the guy is a literal thinker or can play outside the box, whether the girl can meet your adventurous side or would rather rope you to her couch cushions. Don't wait weeks for this information. Boldly show the real you and get the facts right off the bat.

The brilliant flirt upholds his or her boundaries.

You can ascertain vital information about a person simply by observing the way they respond to your physical and emotional boundaries. Brilliant flirts know their comfortable edge of connection and don't let others cross it. So if you constantly have to remind him to take his hand off your lumbar, this says something about his ability to control his own impulses in respect for your limits. If she’s pushing for personal information you keep tactfully guiding her away from, this says something about her need to be all up in your business, whether you like it or not. Is her impulse with you appreciative or exploitative, is he caring or crass? As a brilliant flirt you are aware of the signs from the get-go, and if the going looks rough, you back gracefully away.

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