He might claim they're "just friends" and his former girlfriend might feel that way, but if he's still in touch with his ex regularly, he's not over her or at least not over their breakup. "If you are dating a man that is still in touch with his ex, this is a sign that he has unresolved feelings about her, the relationship and the breakup," affirms Jennifer Kelman, a relationship expert on Pearl.com and certified life coach. "By being with you he may be trying to push those feelings away and force himself to feel something for another woman in order to prove to himself that he is truly over the ex," she explains. It's not uncommon for two people to remain friends following a breakup but that usually takes some time. Being in touch right after a relationship ends is a sign that there is unfinished emotional business that needs dealing with and he might not be ready to settle down with someone else just yet.
What's the number one rule we always hear about dating and starting a new relationship? Keep talk of your ex to a minimum, or better yet, stay mum on the topic. So if he's talking your ear off about his ex, whether what he's saying is good or bad, he's very likely on the rebound and needs to sort through his feelings. "Talking about his ex a lot is also a sure sign that he has unresolved feelings about her and may even desire to still be with her," says Kelman. "In some way he may even be drawing comparisons between the two of you, and even if on the surface you are coming out ahead, most likely he is longing for what he used to have." There's no way your relationship with him can thrive if he has his ex on the brain and can't stop mentioning her and his breakup in conversation.
Some guys are really eager to start a new relationship directly following a breakup. This is so they don't have to deal with any emotions, feelings or unanswered questions they might have about their recent past. Marching excitedly right into another relationship provides distraction — but only for so long. "The whirlwind may feel great on the surface, but trust your gut here. If it feels like too much or feels like he may be running toward you as a way to run from something else, you just may be a rebound," notes Kelman. Eventually those feelings he's not facing will come up and he will have to deal with them — and you don't want to be there when he does. You want to be the person he meets after he's dealt with all that past-relationship baggage.
There are also guys who go a little nuts following making an exit from a long-term relationship and focus on sex — all the sex they weren't getting when they were with their ex. Not that sex is bad — it's a large part of a good relationship, but if he's really not focused on anything but sex, you might be a rebound girl for him. "A guy coming out of a relationship who has been tied to someone else may just be out there looking to play the field and enjoy sex with many women," says Kelman. "Again, this is the time to trust your gut. If it feels only like sex and nothing more, follow that feeling." He'll get that out of his system and then the next person he meets will be a more likely candidate for a serious relationship.
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