When couples explore each other sexually
Getting creative with your sex life isn't just about new toys or new places to try the deed. Sometimes, it's about empowering yourself in a direction you never thought you'd go.
In 2010, "Stephanie" starting dating her then-boyfriend. After nine months of dating, they moved in together into a railroad apartment in Brooklyn. The apartment was small. The move was fast. But it all felt right.
He liked to watch
Her boyfriend "Michael" was a graphic designer, born and raised on Long Island. "He's super cute and creative. Looks like a chubbier Jason Biggs." Michael was into watching a lot of pornography, particularly girl-on-girl scenes. "I think it was the visual side of him. Because of this, he was very keen on watching me do things that women normally do." Michael would watch her get dressed, do her hair and makeup and loved when she dressed in lingerie. "He changed the positioning of the mirror in our bedroom so that he could watch me give him blow jobs. He loved to watch me touch myself, too."
When Michael was in college, he made money on the side by taking nude photographs through a gig he got. He was always enticed by female nude photography. Stephanie also thought it was very sensual and empowering. "I hoped to look like a sexy, smoky Kate Moss in her first shot by Terry Richardson. I wanted to be a bad ass. I wanted to be my boyfriend's muse." Stephanie was always kind of jealous of the girls he once photographed and she just wanted to be better, sexier and hotter than them all. "I think I secretly wanted to be a model. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted him to value me as art. His art. I would wear really dark makeup and messy sex hair. It was like dress up and I was a pretend model. I felt like I embodied all the sex symbols in pop culture. I was Kim Kardashian for a second."
Spicing things up
The pictures made Stephanie feel sexy and made Michael feel powerful. They yearned to bring the steamy shoots into their real life. Venturing into Manhattan, they went to a sex store in the West Village and bought a whole bunch of sex toys one night in December. "Warming stimulation cream. The rabbit. A vibrating ring. We tried them all out that one winter night." For the couple, it was fun and sexy. They had sex in the kitchen, on the stairs and in the bedroom. "I lost all my inhibitions with Michael and it started to feel like an addiction. And then, I wanted him to take photos of me doing these things." That's how it all got started.
Sex, girls and videotapes
When Stephanie wanted to be videotaped, Michael was all about it. "I was actually a little offended that he never brought it up." Once Stephanie mentioned it, however, Michael wasn't shy at all. "He's asked before and it always made me uncomfortable. But in our recent months of sexcapading, I felt confident and I wanted to do a video. I wanted to be in my own movie." So one night, she put on her sexy lingerie, took out the previously purchased merchandise and together they moved forward in making their first movie. "Any sort of live photo session or video session is fun. I think it's why photo booths are popular and Polaroid cameras. It's empowering. Watching the playback feels like an affirmation that you have a great sex life and you're proud about it." So did they keep the video? "We deleted it right after in all honesty. I was really worried that it would end up online and my mom would notice. But my 10 minutes of camera light empowered me and my sex life."
Making a sex tape can be fun, exhilarating and overall exciting. When you're with someone you love and trust, a private video between you both can bring you closer together. Of course, just be careful with the tape afterwards and make sure it's kept in a safe place!