Of course there are exceptions but they come down to two scenarios. If a man finds you sexually repulsive, he will be your friend. Typically, a man will only find you sexually repulsive if he is gay, or you remind him of his mother or his sister.
Guys, no matter what they say, want to get with you. Period. How do I know this for sure? Because I have tried on more occasions than I can count to be a man's friend, and they are not interested. They pretend to be interested. A guy will hang out with me for a few weeks without having sex, but he'll eventually move in for the kill. Having discovered that guys have zero interest in platonic outings, I devised what I thought was a fool-proof plan.
I have these friends who insisted I meet their friend "Tom." I had no interest in meeting Tom. I'm in a dating timeout and even if I wasn't, Tom still isn't divorced (after being separated for two years, which is, say it with me folks — a red flag). When Tom started to Facebook message me a few weeks ago saying we should meet, I relented. However, I did stipulate the following in my reply to Tom.
"Hey Tom, I'm open to meeting people to do things with — go golfing, go to a baseball game, grab a glass of vino, but I'm not into dating right now. If you are OK with that, I can meet up with you, and if not I completely understand."
Pretty plain English, right? So you can imagine my surprise when after Tom and I had a nice enough evening (though I really wasn't feeling him on a romantic or friend level by the end of the date), he drove me to my car and said, "Want to come back to my place for a bottle of wine?" It was 11:15 p.m. In my mind, the "meeting" was over before Tom's late night invite. Why didn't Tom just say what he meant? "Hey, can I take you back to my place and get you wrecked on wine in hopes that I'll get laid tonight?" I would have appreciated a more honest approach.
Tom never had any intention of being my friend. He played along for a few hours until he thought his window of opportunity was closing and he panicked. A guy I know explained to me that Tom had to do that, that any guy in their right mind would do what Tom did and that I was being unrealistic for expecting otherwise.
So you see, you can spell out to a guy, "Not interested in anything outside of a friendship" and he'll still think he has a shot — and in fact, feel like he has a responsibility to try. In my experience, men don't want to be my friend. Men are sexually motivated individuals, and there is nothing wrong with that — unless you just want to be friends.
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