While it's normal to have ups and downs in your relationship, to no longer feel attracted to your partner is a sign of trouble. Whether it's his attitude or lack of motivation making him less attractive or the fact that he no longer takes care of himself physically, there are things you can do to get your relationship back on track. We spoke with real women who have been there, done that and are providing some tips on regaining the spark and feeling that attraction once again.
Real women share…
When I was pregnant, my husband gained weight right along with me. Nine months later, I lost all the weight and he didn't. Physically, I was no longer attracted to him and having a hard time wanting to be intimate. Instead of hassling him to lose weight, I decided to focus on his good features. My husband has beautiful eyes, a wonderful smile and, most importantly, a kind heart. He's also a wonderful father, which makes him incredibly attractive in my eyes. — Lisa
My husband and I were both overweight and decided to lose weight together. It was actually after we lost weight that I realized I was no longer attracted to him. I realized that other than being in shape, he was lazy. He didn't pay bills, do chores or have any personal interests of his own. We recently filed for divorce. — Krystal
Get the attraction back before it's too late
Lack of attraction is a major cause of divorce in the U.S., typically because it leads to a sexless marriage. In order to regain that attraction and desire you once had for your spouse, we recommend the following tips:
- Make a list of your husband's good qualities. He may not be the man you married years ago, but we're willing to bet he has a few good things still going for him. Write down all of your spouse's good qualities — everything from his work ethic to things he does around the house to things you still like about his body.
- Make a plan — together. Most couples find their spouses not as attractive due to weight gain. If this is you, make a plan together to lose weight and exercise. Even if you may be in great shape, you can be your husband's biggest supporter by joining him in his efforts. Cook healthy meals, take nightly walks or join a gym together.
- Think positive thoughts. View your husband in a positive light and think about all of his good qualities throughout the day. If a negative thought enters your mind, immediately replace it with a positive one.
- Focus on changing yourself. Instead of focusing on changing your husband and fixing him, work on yourself. Be a better wife — show your husband support, encourage him and love him even if you don't feel like it. By changing yourself, you have the power to change your entire relationship.
More on marriage
A silent support system that can strengthen your marriage
Is happy the new sexy?
True story: Cooking together did wonders for my marriage