Get That Spark Back

What happened to that man you fell in love with? If you're feeling less than attracted to your husband, here are ways to help get your groove back and rekindle that love you once had.

Annoyed woman in bed with husband

While it's normal to have ups and downs in your relationship, to no longer feel attracted to your partner is a sign of trouble. Whether it's his attitude or lack of motivation making him less attractive or the fact that he no longer takes care of himself physically, there are things you can do to get your relationship back on track. We spoke with real women who have been there, done that and are providing some tips on regaining the spark and feeling that attraction once again.

Real women share…

When I was pregnant, my husband gained weight right along with me. Nine months later, I lost all the weight and he didn't. Physically, I was no longer attracted to him and having a hard time wanting to be intimate. Instead of hassling him to lose weight, I decided to focus on his good features. My husband has beautiful eyes, a wonderful smile and, most importantly, a kind heart. He's also a wonderful father, which makes him incredibly attractive in my eyes. — Lisa

My husband and I were both overweight and decided to lose weight together. It was actually after we lost weight that I realized I was no longer attracted to him. I realized that other than being in shape, he was lazy. He didn't pay bills, do chores or have any personal interests of his own. We recently filed for divorce. — Krystal

Couples on the brink of divorce >>

Get the attraction back before it's too late

Lack of attraction is a major cause of divorce in the U.S., typically because it leads to a sexless marriage. In order to regain that attraction and desire you once had for your spouse, we recommend the following tips:

  • Make a list of your husband's good qualities. He may not be the man you married years ago, but we're willing to bet he has a few good things still going for him. Write down all of your spouse's good qualities — everything from his work ethic to things he does around the house to things you still like about his body.
  • Make a plan — together. Most couples find their spouses not as attractive due to weight gain. If this is you, make a plan together to lose weight and exercise. Even if you may be in great shape, you can be your husband's biggest supporter by joining him in his efforts. Cook healthy meals, take nightly walks or join a gym together.
  • Think positive thoughts. View your husband in a positive light and think about all of his good qualities throughout the day. If a negative thought enters your mind, immediately replace it with a positive one.
  • Focus on changing yourself. Instead of focusing on changing your husband and fixing him, work on yourself. Be a better wife — show your husband support, encourage him and love him even if you don't feel like it. By changing yourself, you have the power to change your entire relationship.

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Tags: relationship issues

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Comments

Comments on "Help! I'm no longer attracted to my husband"

Christine March 01, 2014 | 1:16 PM

None of these suggestion mention the key to helping solve the problem in the first place -- TALK ABOUT IT. It's his responsibility as much as your own to "change." The woman should not be the one charged with all the work here -- to change herself, to make plans "together" to drop weight, to sit around making lists or thinking good thoughts. The main responsibility is to hold up your end of the deal: for better or worse. So if things are going on the "worse" side, talk about it. Talk about what you're seeing, talk about how it's making you feel. It's not an attack, it's not a nag, but you have the right to your feelings. He may be going through something he's not telling you about, maybe HE's feeling the way you do towards him, maybe the both of you need each other to be better spouses toward each other. Some relationships aren't about who got fat and who is or isn't paying bills, there's more to life than that. If you can't talk openly about the things going on with you and between you, then get a divorce, because without communication you're not in a marriage.

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