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When a good crush goes bad

Elise Stephens blogs about relationships, life, and inspiration at www.elisestephens.com. She received the Eugene Van Buren Prize for Fiction from the University of Washington in 2007. Her novel Moonlight and Oranges was a quarter-final...

Freeing yourself from Mr. Off Limits

There's nothing wrong with feeling attracted to someone — especially when he’s a good catch — but there's at least one valid reason telling you to keep your hands off. You know what I mean… he's already married or dating one of your best friends or just completely wrong for you. These scenarios, if not nipped in the bud, will turn awful and ugly and they aren't worth the pain in the long run. Here are some ideas for getting out while you can.

Good Bad

1

Keep it crowded

Whether the attraction you feel is mutual or just coming from your end, it will have a tough time growing if you keep yourself surrounded by other people and avoiding time alone with him. Don't accept rides from him or other excuses like this and don't put yourself in places where a one-on-one conversation easily develops. You might even consider letting a girlfriend in on your dilemma and asking her to stick close by if you know he'll be around.

2

Watch your mouth

When you think a guy is awesome, it's easy to bring him up in casual conversation. You might not appear to be gushing about him, but inside your heart is pounding. This is a surefire way to keep him clouding your thoughts and will only prolong the crush. Do your best to keep all mention of him out of your conversations and you'll be making leaps and bounds to creating a healthy, emotional distance for yourself.

3

Occupy free time

It's harder to daydream, mope and keep a crush alive when you're busy, especially when you're doing something fun. Plan outings and projects for yourself that keep you hopping from thing to thing and looking forward to what's coming next. Throw a party, take a weekend trip or begin a new house project. This will make it hard to pine after him, and soon you'll genuinely enjoy your distractions.

4

Wait for the better

All of this may sound needlessly painful, especially if you're having trouble convincing yourself that the crush in itself is actually harmful. The truth is, when you're tied up with one man, the rest of the world can see it. You send out "unavailable" messages, even if you don't mean to. Once you've freed yourself from this impossible attraction, you'll be emotionally available for the one who is meant for you, and that's definitely worth it.

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