"Women are likely to be more independent and professionally successful than they were a generation or two ago, and that's wonderful, but it can come with baggage," says Jane Atkinson, author of The Frog Whisperer: A Three-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love. "We're less likely to think about the energy we're putting out to others, particularly the opposite sex, and that energy has a lot to do with how people react to us."
Atkinson says finding Mr. or Ms. Right requires taking your eyes off of work and focusing on yourself more. What can you do to become the person you would want to date? She offers some tips for finding "the one."
Have you thought hard about what kind of person you're looking for? One trick is to visualize your perfect day. Are you at the beach? Traveling? Is the man with you quiet or chatty? Is the woman serious or funny? Does he want children? Does she go to church? This will help you identify the characteristics and values of your Mr. or Ms. Right so you can recognize them when he or she comes along.
Once again, it's all about attraction. Putting out positive, confident energy will attract the same. Besides, it's never a good idea to rely on other people to make us happy. If you need to recover from old hurts, lose weight or find a job, take care of that business first.
Test yourself with this quick quiz.
Rather than, "Why can't I find a good man?" ask yourself, "Who do I need to become to attract the man (or woman) who is perfect for me?" It's not about changing you; it's about being your best you. Part of that is your mojo – your self-esteem. If your mojo is slipping, you'll attract control freaks, players and jerks. Pump it up with a makeover, a workout and a sincere inventory of your attributes. (Find more mojo-boosters here.)
Put on your sexy jeans and get yourself out the door. Where to start looking? If you enjoy working with your hands, volunteer for a Habitat for Humanity project. If you've always wanted to learn Italian, take a class. If you love to do yoga, check out a new studio (ladies, you'll find a surprising number of guys there.). Perhaps you'll find a new church or take a class on Buddhism. The list of meeting spots for singles is a long one: bookstores, dance clubs, supper clubs, book clubs, gyms, golf courses, rowing clubs, dog parks.
Atkinson's tips come from real-life experience. At 40, she realized she'd been kissing a lot of frogs and hadn't found a single prince. She applied the model she developed for her business, tweaked it and came up with "Frog Whisperer" – and a prince of a husband.
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