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Can't talk about THAT

Dr. Noelle Nelson is a relationship expert and an internationally respected psychologist, author and seminar leader. She has given life-changing guidance to couples for more than 20 years.

Check out Noelle’s relationship and marriage ...

Sex isn't a dirty word

We talk all day long with friends, coworkers, that guy in the elevator and the bus driver about every topic known to man, but one subject that we all seem to have trouble talking about – especially with our man – is sex. There, I said it. SEX. But it doesn't have to be taboo.

Unhappy couple in bed after sex

You would think, with the scandalous nature of celebrity goings-on, the public disclosure of other people's sex lives, the increasing exposure of male privates in regular (non-porn) movies and amazingly realistic, although decidedly airbrushed and glamour-lit, love-making scenes in your average TV show, that sex would be something we could all talk about easily with our loved ones. But think again – that's not the case!

So why is it that sex – in our personal sex lives, what we like and don't like – is the one subject that we ignore, pretend is fine no matter what it is, put up with or just somehow never manage to discuss with any degree of honesty?

Don't settle for subpar sex

Here's a typical marital interaction:

In the bedroom at night.

Him: "Wow. That was great, babe."

You: Staring at ceiling. "Yeah, great."

You wish.

No matter how much you try to wiggle into place, make encouraging sounds when he gets near that special spot, your sweet spot, it still doesn't happen. Oh, he may stumble into it for a moment or two, but... Oh, well. Guess you can't have everything. Says who? Of course you can. You just need to speak up. Speak?! About that?! Yes. Open your mouth and make the right sounds come out. Actual words such as, "I'd love it if you would…" "Please touch me here, like this."

How to get what you want

You will never have the joyous sexual experience you deserve and that your mate is willing to give you unless you let him know what it takes. Since it can be an awkward conversation (which is why you never got there in the first place), here is one really easy way to go about it.

Describe a dream you had – so you're making it up, so what? Cuddle up to your man, either there on the couch or in bed, and softly tell him about this wonderful dream you had, where he was stroking you like so, and kissing you in this special place like so, and how marvelous it felt and...

As long as you're specific with how your love was stroking, kissing, nibbling and petting you in your "dream" that was making you soar, he now has solid guidelines on what to do. Then your job is simply to encourage and appreciate his every effort in the direction of what pleases you.

Since reciprocating is only fair, invite him to share a dream/fantasy with you. Encourage him to be specific about what turns him on, and oh my! You may have trouble prying yourselves out of the bedroom.

More ways to improve your sex life

Communicating sexual dissatisfaction
10 Sex tips to make long-term sex more exciting
How to talk to your partner about sex

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