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Living together before marriage

Making the decision

Are you ready for the next step in your relationship? Deciding to live together before marriage is a very personal and life-changing decision to make. Make sure you've weighed all your options with a few viewpoints of how Loving You users feel about living together before marriage!


Weighing the pros and cons of both sides...

 

PROS:

I think that it is a good idea. You get to know each other on a personal level. You get to know their routines and it gives you a chance to see if you can get along with your mate for what is supposed to be for the rest of your life. If you have trouble getting along when you are living together it is easier and trouble to get out of a relationship then a marriage. ~Nichole Sasso

I think its fine as long as you don't rush into things. If you've been seeing the person for awhile and you're comfortable with each others faults and quirks then why not? ~Amber

People should live together before taking the big step because when you live with someone you see a side of them you probably will never see otherwise! Like on their bad days you can see how bad they react or if they constantly fart all of the time. You finally see the bad side of them not just the show they put up for you every time you go on a date. ~Evelyn

Living together seems alright to me as long as there is no sexual activity. Living together allows you to really get to know what life with that person will be like. I think this is okay as long as sex is not an issue. Remember sex is a gift you should only give your husband. ~jodi

Absolutely! It helps expose you to your partners quirks and habits that would only surface when living with that person. HOWEVER, you should both decide on a fair time limit (1year? 2years?) and then you'll need to decide whether to "fish or cut bait"! ~Chris Sullivan

I am somewhat for it. I believe it is an excellent chance to get to know each other better. From there you can decide whether or not marriage is an option or not. I was raised up in a religious family that believes that living together is wrong because it gives you an opportunity to have pre-marital sex. I feel that if the couple is already having an intimate relationship then living together doesn't really affect that belief because by religion they have already broken that rule. Two wrongs do not make a right, but if they intend on keeping an intimate relationship it doesn't matter whether they live together or not. I guess it all comes down to the couple. I believe they shouldn't if they have religious reasons, also it would put the family's mind at ease. But if religion doesn't play a factor in this decision, then go for it. It is a decision not to be taken lightly. But I don't find it wrong if made with your heart in the right place. I am bound to respect my family's wishes for religious reason's. Although in my personal opinion I would live with someone that I was truly in love with and intended to marry. For me it just comes down to pleasing my family or pleasing myself. ~Heather

It's o.k. to live together before marriage but the real question is how long do you live together before getting married and will he ask you to marry or will he be just comfortable living together? ~Anonymous

A good with set time frames. My son has been living with his finance for 1.5 years with wedding to come in Oct, my daughter 5 years with the same guy, no wedding plans. If they are still not sure after 5 years, it's time to call it quits and look for the right person! For the older generation (over 30 or the second time around) this is just as important. As "real" adults, discussing the time frame up front sounds like the best idea. That way, if there is still uncertainty at the end of the set time, you can discuss repairs to be made, if they can be made, or even if they should be made and separate without too much difficulty. ~Donna

I think if you feel comfortable living together beforehand, then I would recommend it. There is such a huge change involved in marriage. If you live together beforehand, at least there is some stability and security already laid down for you after the wedding. I also believe that those months before the wedding are crucial to a relationship as far as closeness is concerned. ~Catherine

I am totally for it if a contract is completed before the living arrangements occur...... ~Ladyluk

Perfectly acceptable, and preferable to getting married and finding you can't live together! Must keep separate bank accounts and equally share the bills, though! I've talked with both men and women who had their "partner" clean out the shared account and disappear! ~Michael

CONS:

I personally don't believe in giving a bit of the apple before time is due. If you live together, what do you have to look forward to in marriage? ~Clarissa

Not very advisable, for me personally. It takes away the excitement after getting married. ~sussie

I don't believe in two people living together before they are married. I think that it completely defeats the purpose of getting married. Why get married when you have everything you ever wanted right there? You get married so you can get divorced and argue over who gets what? Or so you can get it in writing? You might as well just go on living together and pretend. On top of that it makes it so much more complicated. It's like one person is totally contented with this commitment free live-in relationship, and the other person left figuring everything out. Is this fair if they really and truly do love one another? I don't think so. ~Bet

I'm a Christian, period. So, I can't see why you should because they are too many temptations when you are actually living together, and basically all it is saying is that they are afraid of the big commitment of getting married and then living together. ~victor newman

I think couples should not live together until they're married. They should save all those special things for their wedding night. There needs to be a commitment, not just trying it to see if it works out. :o) ~Kelly

Seeing as how i just recently kicked my ex-fianc"e out, I would consider it a bad thing. Not only are you stuck once you move in together, it is like a divorce without the paperwork in the end. Bills and possessions are split, and hearts are broken. ~Anonymous

I totally understand why two people who love each other very much would want to live together. There are some "good" reasons to live together: you get to know each other better before marriage, you're always around each other and so on. But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that living together can actually tear a relationship apart. Statistics prove that the longer a couple live together the less likely they will be to get married. If you really love someone and have complete faith in the fact that he or she is "the one" then there will be no reason to live together--you will be able to take the good with the bad when that time comes. The most important reason I don't think people should live together is because it's morally wrong. God wants us to completely trust him with our futures and the only way to do that is to pray -and not to live together before marriage. ~Sophia

I know this is such an old cliche, but why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free. You get all the benefits of marriage without the formal commitment. What incentive is there for marriage if you are comfortable with the way things are. Although most who agree with living together don't want hear this, but if God intended people to live together He wouldn't have created marriage. ~Nicole Alexander

As someone who has done that in the past, I'm not recommending it. Why pretend to be married? It doesn't give any sort of sense of security that marriage does -- it's like you are playing make believe. ~amyji

 

 

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