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He wants me back: 7 Steps to moving forward

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author of Loving Yourself and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly ach...

How to move on

Breaking up is perhaps one of the most unsettling experiences we can have in our personal lives. The loss of a love makes us question who we are and who other people are, and makes us seek peace. When a relationship ends, it is common for the man, after time, to want the relationship back. If you take him back, you will need to be sure that you can move on into a new relationship and not repeat what was dysfunctional in the old one.
Man trying to make up with ex-girlfriend

How can you do that and move forward after a breakup? I've got seven fail-proof ways.

1

Take it slow

Never jump back in head first. Take time to communicate with your partner about all the insights and changes you have made since the split and take inventory on what his insights and changes have been. Time gives people a chance to evolve and you must see if the evolvement you both made would even work in a new relationship. Take the time to see if your partner is going to be “changed” for a longer period of time than a month. See if he can stay true to his word and promises.

2

Conviction

If he comes back, make sure he has come back with a sense of conviction that you are the one for him. Interview him and see who he is and what he has learned about his feelings for you. If he doesn’t have conviction, you will feel and sense it, so don’t waste your time. Likewise, if he has conviction you will feel it and sense it. Trust your instincts.

3

Start fresh

Take stock of the past relationship and its strengths and weaknesses. But after doing so, start fresh by creating a new relationship that has all the good of the previous one plus the good you will develop from the lessons you previously learned. Making things new is essential.

4

Identify personal strengths and weaknesses

See where each of you was strong and weak and take those weaker points and make them topics of communication going forward so you can help each other grow in the relationship while being able to stay vulnerable. Let go of criticism and be open to change.

5

Forgiveness

Understand that sometimes a breakup is the best way for each person to grow, learn and transform as individuals. Once that transformation takes place, the new love and new commitment can be awakened in a way that was not possible the first time around. If you consistently punish your partner for the split, you cannot move forward.

6

Be responsible for yourself

When we separate, we often get clear on the mistakes we made in the relationship that created its downfall. Make it your responsibility to transform these flaws and stay out of the way of blaming your partner. Also remember you learned to make yourself happy without him so do not get dependent, now that you are back together, on him making you happy. Your happiness is your responsibility.

7

Keep your individuality

It is easy to lose ourselves in a relationship. Ironically, this is often also a cause of a relationship's end. Do not lose the independence you gained in your solitary time and repeat that mistake again.

Sometimes a breakup is the best thing that can happen to a relationship. It gives each partner time to think, time to see what it is like to be without each other, time to grow and time to feel. All of these things help the one who left decide whether or not they love you enough to try again. If you are open to him coming back, then be open without punishment and see if you can create the relationship anew.

Little life message

If you are meant to be together, there is truly nothing, including a breakup, that can keep you apart forever. Have faith.

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