How to protect kids from cyber-bullying

Oct 14, 2008 5:20 PM by Michele Borba, EdD

Posted in Living / Technology / Kid-friendly

Bullies In
Cyberspace

Mom and Dad, wake up: If you assume your child is using that fancy home computer to stimulate his brain, think again. The hottest new trend has kids using those keyboards to send vile, hateful and highly slanderous messages about their peers through the Internet. Once confined to playgrounds, bullying has hit cyberspace, cell phones and pagers, and it's both serious and sophisticated. So what should a parent do if their child is cyberbullied?

Cyber Bullying

Cyberbullying

The first step is for parents to be aware of just how prevalent cyberbullying is these days. Where we once thought we just had to protect children from adult predators using the Internet, we now need to shield kids from one another.

Cyberbullying is most common around the middle school years, but is making its way into the younger set. Kids now a days are electronically savvy, but make no mistake: the behavior is all about intentionally causing another pain (bullying), and parents must be far more vigilante. The two biggest mistakes adults make is not taking children's complaints seriously, and allowing bullying in the first place.

There are some specific ways to protect kids from bullying both in cyberspace and on the playground. Parents today need a closer "electronic leash" on their kids and need to be more tuned into the cyberspace trend. This isn't about being controlling -- this is good parenting.

Here is what to do if your child is cyberbullied:

Hold "the talk."

If your child isn't talking about cyberbullying, don't assume he hasn't been affected. Start the discussion: "What have you heard about?" "What are other kids saying?" Let your child know you're aware of this new trend and you are on the alert and are monitoring your computer.

State your values.

Never assume your child understands why cyberbullying is cruel and wrong. Take time to explain: "In this house we believe in kindness. I expect you to be kind." Be clear on your values.

Dig deeper.

Inform school officials or contact the police if it continues. Get the facts so you can create a safety plan for your child: How often is this happening, when, where, and by whom?

Set clear "electronic" rules.

"Never put anything on a cell phone, I-Message, website, email or pager that is hurtful." "Never send anything you wouldn't want said about you."

Save evidence.

Tell your child if he ever receives something that is hurtful, slanderous, hateful, to save or print the message. You may need it to identify the bully or contact their parents with evidence.

Up next: More steps to take if your child is cyberbullied >>

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Comments on "How to protect kids from cyber-bullying"

Stoppp cyberbullyingggg

STOP THE NONSENSEEE ALREADYY

what a load of rubbish it happens just sensitive people cant take it. how can you sit there saying all of this when sometime in your life you have done it

This new article "Bullies in Cyberspace" http://www.sheknows/articles/5846.htm by internationally renowned educational consultant, Michele Borba, EdD, adds to the growing number of voices calling for action on Cyber-Bullying. According to a study by the Pew Internet Project â€" released last year, some 39% of social networking users have reported being bullied in one way or another, as opposed to just 22% of teens who do not use such social networks. Dr. Borbaâ€™s focus is on steps that parents can take to both protect and educate their children about the dangers and damage possible from cyber-bullying and the basic lesson that cyber-bullying is hurtful and unacceptable. "Mom and Dad, wake up: If you assume your child is using that fancy home computer to stimulate his brain, think again. The hottest new trend has kids using these keyboards to send vile, hateful and highly slanderous messages about their peers through the Internet. Once confined to playgrounds, bullying has hit cyberspace, cell phones and pagers, and itâ€™s both serious and sophisticatedâ€¦" "Parents today need a closer "electronic leash" on their kids and need to be more tuned into the cyberspace trend. This isnâ€™t about being controlling â€" this is good parenting." At CyberPatrol we believe there are three steps to keeping children safe from cyber-bullying: Education, government policies, and technology. Children and parents have to be aware of what constitutes cyber-bullying, and what the ramifications can be. Sending mean or threatening e-mails or tricking someone into revealing personal or embarrassing information and sending it to others are just two examples. The fact that the person doing the bullying can remain anonymous if they choose and that they can use technology such as social networks or IM to spread their hurtful handiwork far and wide, is what makes bullying in cyberspace especially dangerous and long-lasting. Government bodies, including increasing numbers of schools and school systems also have a positive role to play in limiting cyber-bullying. Many are actively creating policies to deal with cyber-bullying. Finally, technology companies, both those like CyberPatrol http://www.cyberpatrol/family.asp that develop online safety software, and social networking companies like MySpace and FaceBook have a role in controlling Cyber-Bullying. Todayâ€™s online safety software (often referred to as parental controls software) not only blocks unacceptable or even dangerous web sites. It can also block words or phrases commonly associated with cyber-bullying. How parents and children choose to use such software is of course a personal family decision, and as children mature and gain experience, as in the real world, they gain or are granted more freedom online. Participating in a social network is almost inevitably part of that process. Internationally recognized Internet safety expert, educator and author, Linda Criddle of LookBothWays http://look-both-ways/ (and spokesperson for CyberPatrol internet safety videos http://www.cyberpatrol/safetyseries.asp ) commented on the responsibility of social networks in the current tragic case concerning MySpace and a teen girlâ€™s suicide. Missouri teen Megan Meier, a 13 year old, committed suicide following "cyber-bullying" by a class-mateâ€™s mother â€" 49 year old Lori Drew. Drew is charged with setting up a MySpace account with a false identity â€" a young man called Josh Evans, who befriended and then ultimately turned against the teenager girl (diagnosed with depression), using the MySpace account. http://www.efluxmedia/news_MySpace_Verdict_And_Social_Networks_Responsibility_30292.html. Regardless of whether the final verdict is cyber-bullying or computer fraud and whether Drew serves jail time and must pay a substantial fine, the tragic case demonstrates the danger the Internet can present when people can hide behind fake names and personas to anonymously inflict pain and damage to others.

Parents need to get involved in helping solve the cyberbullying problem. If parents cared enough about their child being the bully or passing along the material as much as they care when their child is a victim, it would be a huge step forward. But then, of course, how do you know if your child is involved in cyberbullying? Just as you stated above in #7, you need to monitor their Internet activity. Monitoring software like our PC Pandora will record everything that happens on the PC. If your child is a victim, you will know; if they are a bully, you will know. Whatever the case may be with your child, you need to intervene and teach them how to be a Responsible CyberCitizen. Otherwise, the path we are on, will lead to a disheveled generation who have no sense of ethics and humanity. Check us out at www.pcpandora to see how you can protect your child from the perils of cyberbullying.