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The guy who won't date feminists is getting attacked for the wrong reasons

Lisa Fogarty


Lisa Fogarty

Lisa Fogarty has written numerous articles for USA Today, The Stir, Opposing Views and other publications. She has covered everything from red carpet events to the discovery of toxic PCBs on school windows. She lives on Long Island, N.Y....

This guy won't date feminists, but you still can't call him ugly

There's a man out there who has the fuck-witted notion that feminism is to blame for why women these days "hate men." The difference between him and other men with the same attitude is that he went and committed his asinine thoughts to the internet. In his latest post, "Why I'll Never Date a Feminist," Dave Hon more or less expresses his belief that women loathe the opposite gender to such a degree that we only breed in the hopes of reproducing more men-hating girl babies. There's so much to set a match to in this piece that the bonfire could consume an entire town — which is why we should probably start at the end. Pissed-off readers are leaving slews of hateful comments — but a lot of them are comments that are missing the point.

Writers are often required to post their headshots in their articles. Most of us aren't professional supermodels, which explains why some of our pics feature us standing in front of our kid's purple bedroom wall trying to hide a butterfly wall decal with our big heads. But because Hon went and put himself out there as a man who refuses to date any woman who values herself as a human being, his looks took center stage in a number of comments. And the comments weren't pretty. Naturally, the conversation carried over to Twitter.

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A lot of folks can't get past Hon's looks and are taking to tearing him apart and berating him for assuming he is even date-able. The problem with these comments is that they're identical to the disrespectful ones female writers experience on the daily. If a woman pens an essay about her dating life — or about politics, crime, art, education, wildlife or the weather — it isn't unusual to find a comment left for her about her "tits." It's totally predictable that someone will write something like, "Of course you're voting for XYZ — you're both ugly as dogs." Female writers just learn to roll with it. We tweet back "Thanks, now you have a great day, too!" and then glance at ourselves in the mirror and think "Well, he's just crazy, I'm hot AF." As long as your "fan" doesn't show up at your doorstep with a machete, you take it as part of the job. Because men and women are totally equal. Isn't that right, Hon?

The point is: Whether you find Hon a fetching specimen or not is irrelevant. Let's focus instead on shredding his article to bits based on what he actually writes.

Hon charms us with this intro: 

They’ve been told there’s a wage gap (I disagree). That there’s a culture of rape on college campuses (I also disagree).

If we were sitting across the table from one another at Applebee's (on a purely platonic date because he wouldn't date me in a billion years), I'd call up the Institute for Women's Policy Research on my phone. Oh, darling, I'd giggle, we both know I don't know a whole lot about big ole topics like this one, but looky what these raging feminists are claiming: "In 2015, female full-time workers made only 79 cents for every dollar earned by men, a gender wage gap of 21 percent. Women, on average, earn less than men in virtually every single occupation for which there is sufficient earnings data for both men and women to calculate an earnings ratio." Why, heavens, they must be making all those numbers up because we're so bad at math!

Culture of rape on college campuses? Glad you brought that up, Hon. Over the course of a college career, between 20 and 25 percent of women will experience completed or attempted rape victimization. Brock Turner spent just three months in jail for assaulting an unconscious woman and leaving her body by a dumpster near Stanford University. Meanwhile, possession of marijuana can get you up to one year in jail, even though the most harmful thing you'll ever do while stoned is finish a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. So, yeah, I'd say we still have some work to do.

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Hon defends a Reddit subreddit called "Red Pill" with this statement: "Men’s Rights Activists have taken flight with a new philosophy called "Red Pill" which aims to point out how derogatory, hypocritical and vindictive third-wave feminists can be."

I'd be careful about what I consider a philosophy (Confucius is rolling in his grave somewhere). I may disagree with them, but some of the posts on this site are thoughtful. And then you come across a heaping pile of garbage on the subreddit that contains messages like this one:

Women will complain endlessly about how men are pigs. Men objectify them. Men use them for sex. Men don’t take the time to get to know them and recognize how smart and special and unique they are and how great their personalities are and treat them appropriately based on what special people they are. How by failing to get to know them, men don’t respect them.

Frankly, that’s just plain not true. Just look at the statistics. It’s the men who know women the best that respect them the least. Women are far more likely to be murdered, beaten, or raped by a husband or boyfriend than by a stranger who hasn’t taken the time to get to know them.

The fact is, the more a guy gets to know a girl, the less he respects her. Because women aren’t respectable.

When men and woman are strangers, most men treat most women decently, because a woman who is a stranger still has the potential to be good. But as time goes on and a man gets to know a woman better, he gets sick of her shit and genuinely wants to beat the hell out of her.

Sounds a little "derogatory, hypocritical and vindictive" to me. And this doesn't sound like a citizen looking out for his own rights in the hope that we can all take one more step closer to equality. Because, that, Dave Hon, is the goal of feminism that you have clearly missed.

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Feminism isn't here to scare the shit out of you or take anything you've earned away from you. We aren't trying to be men and forcing you to be more like women. We can acknowledge and celebrate our differences, but that doesn't mean we won't fight tooth and nail to ensure what makes us different is held in the same high regard (and that we're paid for equal work). Just as we want paid maternity leave, we will fight for the paid paternity leave you deserve. We don't want you to work your fingers to the bone each day while we sit around watching reality TV and cursing men — all men everywhere — for being born male.

Now, be a doll, Hon, and pass the double crunch bone-in wings. If it makes you feel better, this feminist will even let you foot the bill.

Before you go, check out our slideshow below.

This guy won't date feminists, but you still can't call him ugly
Image: Karen Cox/SheKnows
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