As many of you have probably heard, last night Donald Trump said Hillary Clinton is playing the "woman card," implying that she is basing her campaign on the fact that she is a woman and that that is the only thing she has going for her in the election. Had he been running for president four years ago, he would likely have claimed that Obama was playing "the race card."
It seems that the only way to run fairly against Mr. Trump is to ignore whatever it is that doesn't make you a white man. Perhaps if Hillary said something like, "Yes, I'm a woman, but I want you to forget about that. Let's not talk about my womanhood — instead, let's imagine that I am a man and level the playing field for Mr. Trump. After all, women in this country get all the advantages and preferential treatment, so to acknowledge that I am one would make me more electable...wait, this scenario fell apart on me somewhere."
Some of the pundits have since argued that if anyone is playing a gender card it's Mr. Trump, who has gone out of his way to portray himself as a stereotypical alpha male. That made us wonder: what would it look like if Hillary did play the woman card as much as Mr. Trump has been playing the man card?
Trump: "I have a huge penis."
Clinton: "I don't mean to brag about the length of my vaginal canal, but you could probably grow a Redwood tree in there. Just saying."
Trump: "My wife is hotter than Ted Cruz's wife."
Clinton: "When my husband was in the White House, he got so much tail that they almost impeached him for it."
Trump: "Hillary got schlonged by Obama."
Clinton: "I'm going to cervix the shit out of Trump in November. He won't know which tube hit him."
Trump: "Hillary doesn't have the strength and stamina to be president."
Clinton: "I've been pregnant. I've given birth. The most uncomfortable Donald Trump has ever been was when he wasn't sure how much to tip the woman who washes his balls."
Trump: "Hillary shouts too much."
Clinton: "If I had a dollar for every time Donald was right about foreign policy, I'd have 77 cents."
Trump: "Megyn Kelly must have been on her period when she asked me a tough question."
Clinton: "Trump is so sensitive to criticism — you'd think he'd never gotten a college scholarship for having a great ass and playing the flute."
Trump: "No one would elect Carly Fiorina with a face like that."
Clinton: "Finally, a man whose hair gets talked about more than mine."
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