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How my husband helps me adapt to life's changes

I am a South African, living in the USA with my amazing active duty military husband. I am a photographer, vintage inspired seamstress, jewelry merchandiser, capsule wardrobe fan, and traditional witch. Not a Wiccan.  I love animals,  wi...

After a year of loss my husband has become my rock in difficult times

It's been a hard year, and it's been a good year, but it's also been a very sad year with parts that I'd rather forget or that I find hard to let go.

I've had nine months of sitting on my hands — figuratively, of course, or I'd have very numb hands by now — and a veritable flurry of loss, new family, learning, travel and new beginnings.

I've lost friends and family — mostly furry — back home and been unable to be there to say goodbye. We've gained furry family as well, and saved a life or two. We've packed up our stuff and our beloved dogs and headed across an ocean to a new country and a new continent.

We're making a fresh start and so close to the end of the year — totally worth it though.

After a year of loss my husband has become my rock in difficult times
Image: Andrea Vellejos/SheKnows

What have I learned?

I've learned that my husband is amazing.

He is supportive, no matter what. And you know why? Because we are partners in crime and comrades in adventure; and he says that he backs every "hair-brained scheme" I have, as he knows that I will do the same for him. I have, actually, quite a few times already. He has been known to change his mind about something more times than a woman in a shoe shop. I might be indecisive (I am a Libra, after all); but at least when my decision is made (after lots of research and pondering, of course), I don't tend to change my mind about it!

Sorry, I got sidetracked there.

It happens when you reach my age. What was I saying? Oh, yes! I have learned that my husband is a particularly unique and wonderful person. I am lucky that he is in my life, and I know he would say that he feels the same about me. He treats me as an equal. We have roles to fulfill, and while they might seem "old timey" to outside people, it all works out in the end. I take my role very seriously, and so does he, and when the time comes for our roles to swap over — as much as they can — I know that he will throw himself into his new role as much as I did, and I will do the same with my new plan.

I've learned that you need to adapt to life, adapt to change especially. The only thing you can rely on is that things will change, and that things will not always go your way or even in the same vague direction as your way most of the time. Sometimes, we're left standing on the edge of a proverbial cliff thinking, "Wait. Wasn't this a path just a moment ago? Wasn't I going somewhere?" while life and the universe continue to roll on despite us throwing a tantrum on the side of the road — or in the fresh produce aisle. I've learned that the universe holds no bias to good or evil; it simply is.

I've learned that trying to worry about the future only leads to headaches and stomach ulcers and stress that you bring upon yourself. Worrying about the past is even worse. You cannot change the past. It is impossible. Unless you have a time machine; and if you did, man, there are so many other awesome things you could do with that besides change petty decisions that have led you to where you are.

I have learned that our decisions, and more importantly our mistakes, make us who we are. They mold and shape us in ways we cannot comprehend until years later, if at all. Every crossroad we come to leads to a change in our fundamental way of being. You can't go back — because even if you got offered the same decisions (came to the same crossroad, if you will), you would be approaching from a different perspective, and they wouldn't be the same decisions, now would they?

I've learned to accept things as they come and live in the now. I've learned to take a breath, let it out slowly and then see how you feel about things.

I embrace change! I'm terrified of it, but I do accept it and try and roll with it. Fighting it just takes far too much effort and it's unnecessary, really.

Bring on 2016!

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