These festive pups were simply filled with the Christmas spirit. Who wouldn't hang this Christmas card on their fridge with pride?
Your search for the perfect stocking stuffer is over, my friend. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a bottle of Heinz.
If Heinz isn't your idea of the perfect stocking stuffer, have no fear — your loved ones will get a jolt of
electricity elation when they snack on this AA "stocking stuffer candy."
In the slide preparer's defense, it is phonetically pleasing.
Where there are four-year-olds, "shatterproof" does not exist. Not even a Christmas miracle could save these ornaments from toddler destruction mode.
This cozy throw would be fantastic for that friend in your life that Christmas always seems to creep up on. Or the one who loves circa 1974 music by Scottish pop rock band Pilot.
Perhaps it's a metaphor for how the holidays turn your world upside down. Food for thought, eh?
Thanks to @nchubacca for introducing us to "Nearly Headless Nick's Christmas steed — Nearly Headless Rudolph."
Who needs Elf on the Shelf to keep kids in line? If you want your kids to behave over the holidays, perhaps you should take them to breakfast with satan at their school. That oughta set the tone.
Ooh, ooh, we love fill in the blank. It's all fun and games until someone _______ your nuts. We're at a loss. Your guess is as good as ours!
Is it a flaw in the design? Open wounds due to exposure? Or is this really a herd of zombie deer coming to spread Christmas cheer (and apocalyptic doom) to your mantel?
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recall, the most famous reindeer of all? Cervix the... wait, what?
Well, having these little twinklers on your tree would certainly make for an interesting holiday season, if nothing else.
Say it with us: spell-check.
He has reindeer, after all. Although... these reindeer bear a striking resemblance to their chocolate Easter cousins. Who are we kidding? This is totally bootleg.
"Here Comes Santa Claus" would be a seriously unfortunate song choice right now.
since our tree was artificial, my dad said he’d put it in the back of the truck & drive it around, so ppl thought it was real #ChristmasFail— michael pls (@itslindseeey) December 17, 2014
You've got to give this dad points for going the extra mile... literally.
If the only creature stirring the night before Christmas is this mouse, we aren't just calling an exterminator — we're calling an exorcist.
We go to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Last year my dad farted and everyone looked at us. He pointed at me. #ChristmasFail— Nora (@NoraFromAtlanta) December 17, 2014
Here's hoping that joyous noise didn't come complete with a manger-like smell. You don't want to spend the next year being known as that girl.
Doth our ears deceive us? Or is Spotify trying to tell us that Michael Bublé gets into the Christmas spirit by listening to the, uh, harmonic sounds of "Mary's Boy Child" by Boney M.?
Maybe if you buy this tree topper now, the "e" follows later... in the new year. C'mon, it could happen — you just have to believ.
"Santa" was so drunk when he came to deliver the presents that he tripped, fell into the door and said "Ho ho Holy crap!" #ChristmasFail— Amanda King (@Mrs_AmandaKing) December 17, 2014
People are always talking about that special twinkle in Santa's eyes. You don't think he gets it from milk and cookies, do you?
Remember that one time when 30,000 people paid $6 a pop for boxes of poop from Cards Against Humanity? Good times.
Each Christmas, one kid in my family doesn't receive any presents. We'd find out Xmas morning. Dad said it builds character #ChristmasFail— Mattie Conajam (@conajam) December 17, 2014
It's like the Russian roulette of emotions on Christmas morning. Someone's going to need a lot of therapy in the not-so-distant future.
What a lovely holiday mantel. But maybe, just maybe, this family should consider switching the stocking order next year.
Nothing says Christmas music like '70s hair metal and Ted Nugent's mustache.
One year my great grandmother spent the entire day at the neighbors mistaking them for our family. No one said a word. #ChristmasFail— Carson Lau (@LAUenforcement) December 17, 2014
These neighbors have secured themselves a spot on the nice list for life, but this family will likely wake up to lumps of coal on Christmas morning.
Consider this a cautionary tale of Christmas lights — beware of illuminating your palm trees.
Mom put crayons in my stocking... before the fire was out. I've had a solid mass of melted crayon in my stocking for 20 yrs #ChristmasFail— Lizabeth B (@lizabethbel) December 17, 2014
Give Mom some credit. Maybe she just wanted to make sure your Christmas is merry and bright. Like, Crayola bright.
Every Christmas party has a pooper. That's why someone invented you, Holiday Pooper.
Last Xmas my dad printed off my brothers internet history from the past year & made it into a book for the familys enjoyment. #ChristmasFail— Kristen Rose♣️ (@KristenRose124) December 17, 2014
We're willing to bet this is one kid who wishes he hadn't come home for the holidays.
Dear World Market, we would sure love to know why you sold your gift wrap with a peephole this year. What we do not want to know, under any circumstance, is what the peephole was for before we wrapped our presents with it.
#Win. Definitely #win.
C'mon, you guys. It might be time to restructure your holiday marketing department.
One year the man I was dating gave me an expensive necklace with my name in gold. It was beautiful, but my name isn't Diane #ChristmasFail— Missy ♣ (@missymaxwell365) December 17, 2014
On the plus side, if she knows someone named Diane, this has re-gift written all over it.
Why, Santa — I neva! We're not falling for that old trick... again.
My brother choked on tinsel when he was 5. My mom refuses to put up a tree, terrified that he'll do it again. Hes 17 now. #ChristmasFail— Sarine Bean (@Saaardine) December 17, 2014
Some traditions stand the test of time. Like, for example, Christmas carols and holiday lights... and the neuroses of a mother.
Aww, look at the snowman. Eww, no, wait. Is that a snow boner? Avert, avert.
My parents had a strict xmas budget. I unwrapped a present one year and dad said "if you want to keep that, you owe us $20" #ChristmasFail— Korry Rogers (@KorryRogers) December 18, 2014
This doesn't sound entirely unreasonable, does it? Of course, we'd love to see Dad try to collect on the mile-long list of debts when his kids leave the nest. That would certainly make for a Merry Christmas.
I mean, it's the wrong way, but still. Do you think if you spell it like this it will ensure the recipient a season full of great things? 'Cause that would be super.
We're just guessing here, but we're thinking Hallmark's New Year resolution may be something along the lines of, "Hire a new wrapping paper designer."
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