You might think you're in a hurry, but we're definitely on the way to something more important than whatever is going on in your life. When we whip in front of you on the interstates, we're not trying to be jerks... we're just trying to get where we're going.
You know how you can watch the light for crossing traffic to help get a sense of when you're going to get the green light? We expect you to keep an eye on that. As soon as their light is red, you better start inching towards the crossing.
In most instances, we're not riding on your bumper out of meanness. Again, we just have somewhere to be and think shaving a few feet off the wait by tailgating you is the way to save time. That said: If you ride on our butts, we will slam on the brakes.
You know how you get ahead? By working hard, taking pride in everything you do and being the one who stays the latest. We guarantee that the last person who leaves our office each night is always a lifelong East Coaster.
Taking an hour lunch every day doesn't demonstrate your dedication to your boss or your office. It shows your dedication to procrastination and pie. Want to show just how serious you are about your job? Order a sandwich from the sandwich guy and eat it while you work.
Mmm. Nothing is quite as refreshing as hot dogs that have steamed in the sun all day or chicken that's been slow roasted while marinating in city bus fumes. Eat it. Love it. Shuddup about it!
Stop walking slow. Stop standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Please, please attempt to figure out your directions on your own. If you must ask for help, listen closely the first time and don't ask us to repeat.
No matter where you go, there are customary ways of dress. If you're not following office trends or trying to look presentable while out for the evening, we're going to give you a second, less forgiving glance. Why don't you want to look nice? That's how you impress others.
Forget younger girls or better-looking options. At the end of the day, if you want our attention, you're going to have to compete with our career for who gets first place among our priorities. You may hate it now, but when you want to retire and we're living off our 401K, you'll appreciate it.
We know you think we're hard-as***. We understand that in your West Coast mentality, we're hard and too aggressive. We don't see it that way, though. We see our toughness and follow-through as signs of our dedication to work and to a better future for ourselves. If you're going to live out here with us, we're going to need you to put in that same kind of effort, hippies. Can you manage?
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