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I tried the Fifty Shades of Grey app — it definitely didn't make me horny

Rachel Kramer Bussel is the editor of The Big Book of Orgasms, Hungry for More, Women in Lust and many other anthologies. She writes about sex, dating, books and pop culture and Tweets @raquelita.

Ladies, I've tried it. The Fifty Shades of Grey app isn't as hot as it sounds.

This week, in conjunction with the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie trailer, Universal released an app for iTunes and Google Play where users get the chance to "intern" for Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. and work for the most famous fictional sadist around, Christian Grey. But does this app live up to our expectations? Let's see.

50 Shades App

Upon joining, Internship Coordinator Olivia Blandino sends an email encouraging you to sign a nondisclosure agreement to make sure you're trustworthy, get your photo taken and, the main impetus behind the app, share your findings via social media with the hashtag #GreyInterns and recruit others to join. According to the next email, "If you're one of the top-performing interns, you might get the chance to get up close and personal with Mr. Grey himself."

50 Shades App

The first seven assignments prove to be very basic and, well, boring. I made an ID badge by taking a selfie, answered a trivia question about Grey's helicopter Charlie Tango (the assignment most closely related to the content of the book), and signed the NDA. Once you're done with that assignment, you get it checked off your assignment list and can earn badges such as the Recruitment Badge or Trailer Badge (for posting or emailing the movie trailer), and completing all seven earns you Level 2 Intern status, though what that means exactly is unclear.

50 Shades App

The most interesting part of the app so far is the shoes: Users are asked to upload a photo of them in heels, choosing among the app's ready-made captions, such as "When you intern at Grey, all eyes are on your work... as well as your shoes." The gallery of shoe porn provides a few moments of fashion browsing fun, but beyond that, it's clear the app's only purpose is to generate social media sharing. It's unclear what rewards will be offered to users beyond badges being earned via the app. Anastasia Steele was mesmerized by Christian Grey's wealth and power, yes, but also his enigmatic and kinky side. Turning that chemistry into an app where an untold number of users are posting the same things over and over becomes monotonous and decidedly unsexy.

50 Shades App

I'd have appreciated more trivia questions, and a sense of what's coming next. The app feels sterile without any hint of Christian Grey's presence beyond his name. Considering that the movie's release is still over six months away, the app's creators will have to work hard to keep the momentum going and deliver a little more personalized content if it's going to sustain even the most avid Fifty Shades fans' interest.

More for Fifty Shades fans

This is what Fifty Shades of Grey would have looked like with Charlie Hunnam
The new Christian Grey: 5 Things to know about Jaime Dornan
Steamy Fifty Shades of Grey gets a new release date

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