Step 1: Fight or flight
All of us have a fight-or-flight instinct -- and if you're smart, it's the flight instinct. If you're stuck on a horrible date and your guy's laugh is unbearably loud, or maybe his teeth are more yellow than the lemonade you're drinking, then your first instinct is to leave. It might not seem like such good karma at first to ditch your date, but sometimes karma understands certain situations.
If you're ready run, try looking at your phone, like you've just received an emergency text message (don't shed light on to what the emergency may be). The exclaim how it's imperative that you leave this instant. For good and believable measure, tell him you wish you could stay and hang but you can't. Point blank. Oh, and make sure to leave some cash if you've already ordered. It would be rude not to.
So you're a fighter, eh? Good for you. If you're willing to stick out a really bad date in hopes that it might possibly, somehow, get better, then at least reward yourself with an alcoholic beverage. It will take the edge off. If you're not a big drinker, load up on dessert and make sure it has a lot of gooey chocolate in it.
Step 2: The ol' bathroom excuse
This excuse is certainly not unique, but if you're not afraid to look like a complete brat, then tell your date that you need to use the ladies' room and then leave the restaurant. Note the disclaimer on this one: really bad karma. There are exceptions, though. If your date's rude, mean, might be a possible serial killer and completely deserves to be ditched, then hang him out to dry. If he's just not your style, but still polite and nice, then I hate to say it, but you're just a coward. Oh, and if the exit's in full view of where he's sitting, you might need to go out the bathroom window or cause a catastrophic distraction so he won't notice you leaving.
Step 3: When you've lost all hope
If you've been through every possible escape scenario, none seem practical, and you just can't take it anymore, just start crying. It's a first date and that's a red flag. You're so done for, and he will freak. Unless he's some sort of sensitive artist -- then he might just console you, in which you have another problem on your hands. Good luck.
Step 4: When you've lost your dignity
This should only be used in extreme situations, but if you're locked in this date for some reason, just start going all TMI on him. If he asks you why you're not feeling well, tell him you have cramps and your period is super-heavy right now and, on top of that, you've also got chicken pox. Done. Then go.
Step 5: Use a movie line
There are so many movie lines you could use to get yourself out of a bad date, but one in particular stands out. It comes from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.
Romy: Hey, um, great suit. Is that an Armani?
Interested guy in club: Yes, yes it is.
Romy: I thought so. So what do you do?
Interested guy in club: I'm a suit salesman.
Romy: Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood. (Limps away.)
Step 6: Relax, just do it
This is the last resort; the last stop; the last excuse: Just be honest. Tell him, nicely (or not, depending on how nice he is) that you're just not interested in him. He will get over it because he's probably not interested in you, anyway. After that, go out and meet your girlfriends and party away the night. Dance, too.
For more relationship tips, check out:
5 First-date red flags