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Q&A with the SheKnows Love Expert

Relationship advice

SheKnows readers asked our love expert the tough questions about love, relationships, romance and more!

 

 

 

My husband and I have been together for 2 years. Shortly after the wedding he developed a fear of traveling and leaving the house. He goes from home to work and back again, and he even canceled our honeymoon. I've been supportive as best as I know how, but now it's beginning to affect the way we communicate. He needs me and I know that, but I need to be out among friends, and among family and I can't stay home with him all the time. He is seeing a psychologist about this, but things aren't improving. I feel like my hands are tied; please help.
-Lucile, Boulder

 

Your hands are not tied. You need to be an active participant in helping your husband to solve this problem. Look up the Colorado Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and make an appointment for you and your husband to consult with an experienced marital therapist in Boulder.

 

 

 

What is your opinion of online dating and dating websites? I'm tempted sign up for it, however I would be embarrassed if I actually did meet someone special on there and had to tell people how we met. My family is very traditional and I don't think they'd really understand how hard it truly is to meet someone these days. I have a busy schedule and my time for socializing is minimal. Do you have any advice?
Web Weary Wendy

 

Dating websites are a good way to meet someone. I actually know people who have very happy marriages and who met on the web. But whether you decide to go online or to meet someone through more traditional ways (joining a club, volunteering, hobbies), it's important to make finding someone a priority in your life. When you expand your time for socializing, you will increase the chances of meeting that someone special.

 

 

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. When things are going well they're amazing, however at other times I feel like he will never fully commit to me. I want to get married, I'm ready to move forward, but I'm scared that he will never come around. At what point to I move on?
Sincerely, Frustrated in Fresno

 

You need to decide how long you are willing to wait. Set a date, perhaps one year or so from now, and tell your boyfriend that you love him dearly but if by that date there are no wedding plans, you will move on.

 

I'm recently divorced and have two kids. I met my ex and work and it's been years and years since I've been in the dating scene. I work full time. What is the best way for meet someone without going to a bar or joining a dating website?
Sincerely, Single Stacy

 

There is an organization called Parents Without Partners that is a good place to meet someone with a similar situation to yours. You can also become involved in some community activity or charitable organization that interests you. The idea is to increase the chances that you will meet someone with whom you have common interests. Reconnect with old friends - they might introduce you to someone. Participate in your children's school activities and you might find a nice father who is also a single parent.

 

 

I'm recently divorced and completely heartbroken. I know that I need to be strong for my kids, my family, my career and my responsibilities but I am really struggling to pick up the pieces and move on. What advice do you have for someone ready and willing to move on, but who can't seem to put the past behind her and look forward to a new life?
Hannah B., Florida

 

You are heartbroken because you loved your husband. You have to realize that the love you had is in you and that if you could give that love to your ex husband, you can also give it to another man. That love is yours, it's inside of you and it's ready to find another person more worthy of receiving it. The best cure for heartbreak is to find another man as quickly as possible. Look for someone who is fun and interesting, even if he doesn't have all the qualities you want and even if it's temporary. He may not be your true love but he will help you to come out of the heartbreak and be ready for the man of your life.

 

 

I met an amazing woman not too long ago and we've gone out on a few dates. She's funny, she's smart and interesting, she's sweet and she's confident – all things I admire in a woman. I can't find a single thing that I dislike about her, however I'm not completely sure that I'm physically attracted to her. I don't consider myself a shallow person, however there is just some sort of mental block that I have for her physically. How much of a role should physical or sexual attraction play in a new relationship? Is this something that could grow over time?
Lance D., Bozeman, MT

Physical attraction can grow over time. Since this woman has so many qualities that you admire, you need to cultivate the relationship and see what develops. Often men are not initially sexually attracted to a woman that they appreciate in many other ways, yet as a friendship develops and communication is heartfelt and sincere, the physical attraction develops also. I have a friend, for instance, who is a handsome, successful man. He met a woman that he considered beautiful, kind and compassionate, yet he wasn't attracted to her physically. They became best friends and soon the relationship turned into the most passionate, loving bond that this man had even dreamt it was possible to have.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years now. I really want to hold off on moving in together until we are married but financially it might make better sense to just move in together now. Times are tight and this would really help us both out, but should money even be a factor in this decision? What is your advice on co-habitation?
Cameryn K.

 

What holds you back from getting married before moving together? If you or he are reluctant about getting married, it's not a good idea to move together for financial reasons. Research shows that married couples have happier, more sustainable relationships than co-habiting couples.

 

 

When is it considered "normal" to tell someone you love them? Too soon might scare them away, and to late might mean you shouldn't be with this person... HELP!
Sincerely, Lost about love.

The cultural norm is for the man to be the first to say "I love you." Then the woman can respond immediately or take her time (but not too much time) to say: "I love you too." However, "All's fair in love and war," so, whether you are a man or a woman, you can be spontaneous and say "I love you" whenever you feel it.

 

Come back every Tuesday and Friday as Cloé Madanes, the SheKnows Love Expert answers your relationship questions.

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