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10 Valentine's Day gifts he won't be getting you

Jillian Denning is a writer, blogger, and teen soap specialist. Her go-to karaoke song is “Heartbreaker” by Mariah Carey. Follow her on her blog at Jillian Lorraine. and on Twitter @jillianlo.

Expectations vs. reality

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner and love on your mind, it's best if you don't get your hopes up. Yes, in an ideal world your man would be able to read your mind (read the notes you've plastered around the house), but this isn't an ideal world. It's real life. Prepare yourself for the worst so you don't get disappointed. Here are 10 gifts you won't be getting for Valentine's Day.
1

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: A meaningful memento from your romantic past that he has held onto for years. Bonus points if he's kept it in his wallet.

Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: A teddy bear whose stomach says, "Be mine."

2

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: Original poetry detailing how much you have changed his life and his undying love for you.

Expectations vs. reality

Photo credit: Hallmark

What you'll get: A Hallmark card that says, "I don't even need beer to think you're attractive."


3

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: A meaningful original soundtrack comprised of the songs you listened to when you fell in love.

Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: Radio duties in the car.

4

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: That J. Crew dress you've posted on the fridge and talked about incessantly. The dress that will transform you from regular human to confident goddess.


Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: Trashy lingerie.

5

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: One hundred roses, one for every day you've spent together (every day his life has been complete).

Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: Ratty carnations that look as though they are dying.

6

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: Your favorite chocolate imported from Belgium.

Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: Hershey’s Kisses. In the bag.

7

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: The first edition of your favorite book, perhaps signed by the author.

Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: Twilight, picked up at the airport reading section.

8

Expectations vs. reality

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What you want: Your favorite album on vinyl, tracked down from across the country.

Expectations vs. reality

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What you'll get: An iTunes gift card.

9

Expectations vs. reality
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What you want: A weekend getaway to a romantic inn complete with a spa day.

Expectations vs. reality

Photo credit: via Stockngo

What you'll get: Scentless Vaseline lotion.

10

Expectations vs. reality

Photo credit: Tiffany

What you want: An engagement ring from Tiffany & Co.


Expectations vs. reality

Photo credit: Herzog Jewelers via Flickr

What you'll get: A butterfly ring from Kmart.

Remember, the key to receiving the proverbial Skittles-scented candle, ladies, is to act surprised and gracious.

Expectations vs. reality

Photo credit: howdoiputthisgently via Tumblr

Rihanna has it on lock. So can you.

More Valentine's Day

Twitter fails: 16 Tweets that were meant to be romantic
25 Poetic tweets from die-hard romantics
Your official Valentine's Day sex playlist

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