The No. 1 reason that women have trouble with sex is that often they judge their own bodies too harshly. How are you supposed to get in the mood when you are constantly thinking about how fat your thighs look or whether your partner thinks your fat rolls are gross. Women are so critical of their bodies it prevents them from really being able to get in the mood. If you want to start enjoying your sex life, stop being so critical about what your body looks like. Don’t let yourself get to the point where you can’t let the person you love touch you. If they are in the bed with you, they probably find you attractive.
As I have counseled women over the years, I've been surprised to hear many women comment that they don’t really know what "down there" looks like. Some women state that they are embarrassed or think that area of their body is off-limits. Sometimes it's just about getting over the fear factor to help you understand how your body works. Find a quiet spot, grab a mirror and start exploring.
You don’t have to talk dirty in the bedroom to get things going. But if you can’t be honest with your partner about what feels good, then he will never know how to please you. If you feel uncomfortable jumping right into a sex talk, try giving each other a simple hand massage or a back rub. As you massage each other, see if you can point out to your partner what strokes or hand movements feel good to you. It's great place to start, and even if it’s not sex, sharing an intimate moment can help get both people in the mood.
Good sex is often distorted in the media. Try not to compare yourself to what you see in the movies, on-line or in magazines. Remember, sex scenes in the movies are staged, with lots of extra people in the background holding cameras, lights and making sure each kiss is perfect! True lovemaking is not perfect. It can be messy, noisy and sometimes even funny. If you have serious concerns about your sex life, consider meeting with a certified sex therapist or talk with a health care professional. You can find a list of certified sex counselors, educators and therapists at aasect.org.
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