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by Justina Huddleston
Justina Huddleston is an editor and the head writer for TDmonthly Magazine. She has been a freelance writer for several years, though her real passion is cooking. You can see the recipes she creates on her vegan food blog, A Life of Litt...
It's probably tacky to complain about free candy, but the children of the world deserve better than this.
Dum Dums is actually the perfect way to describe people who think kids are excited about these lollipops.
Putting the "trick" in trick or treat? These pink and white candies that taste like poison, aka black licorice.
Scene: An elderly woman drops her purse; 500 fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls fall out. No one is surprised.
It chews like hot tar but tastes like shitty chocolate. A real Halloween dream come true.
It's 2016 — parents don't let their kids eat unwrapped candy. Stop shoveling in the candy corn, already!
The sketchiest. What brand is it? Who makes it? Where the hell do people buy it? And what is that flavor?
Mr. Goodbar and Krackel are, like, the two most depressing candy bars out there. Try harder, Hershey's!
As an adult, I enjoy Dove chocolates. As a kid, I wanted to know why my weird aunt's candy was in my bag.
It practically breaks your teeth when you start chewing, loses flavor after one minute and barely blows bubbles.
You know some entitled kid picked all the watermelon Jolly Ranchers from the bowl, and the rest taste like sadness.
I would rather get 300 pieces of shitty black and orange taffy than one mini box of stale, grainy raisins.
There is one black licorice wafer per roll, and that alone makes getting Necco Wafers a slap in the face.
Chewing on a sugary candle you're not allowed to swallow? Now that's terrifying.
As a kid, I always wanted to eat chalk. Then I tried Smarties one Halloween and changed my mind forever.
1882 called; it wants its depressingly hard-yet-gooey candy back.
I don't care that it's full of off-brand M&M'S and salt — trail mix is still for the trail, not Halloween.
If you genuinely think kids like getting black licorice on Halloween, you're either European or 85 years old.
3 Musketeers was invented in 1902 by mixing cocoa powder with crafting paste. That's not true. But it does suck.
I personally love Werther's, because my papa always has them in his car. Stop giving kids car candy on Halloween!
Candy is bad for your teeth — we get it. That's why kids get free candy only one night a year! Lighten up.
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