It's such a disappointment when your fruitcake recipe doesn't turn out as planned. (Although, let's be honest. Even when it does turn out as planned, is fruitcake really at the top of your Christmas dessert list?) Before you toss that five pound brick of... um... food into the trash, think about the possibilities.
If you've never been ice blocking, you're probably younger than I am. This makes me sad, but we're talking about fruitcake, not the fact that I'm over 30. Ice blocking is exactly as it sounds -- taking big blocks of ice and sliding down hills while sitting on top of them. Sometimes it results in injuries, but sometimes you make it to the bottom unscathed. The thrill is in the uncertainty, right?
Ice is cold, so why not turn your blocks of fruitcake into sleds? Bind them together with some of that unused twine from your Thanksgiving turkey, grease up the bottom with Crisco and go for it. Wheeee. We suggest wrapping the top in plastic wrap. Nobody likes to walk around with mashed fruitcake on their pants.
Nothing like a friendly game of dodge the fruitcake brick to kick of the holiday celebration. Just make sure to set a "no aiming for the face" rule, as I'm fairly certain fruitcake might weigh more than the standard rubber ball used in dodgeball.
Nothing says holiday cheer like hitting your Christmas fruitcake with a bat. I suggest wearing a baseball mitt, as catching flying fruitcake bricks can be hazardous to your hands.
The holidays are a time of overindulgence, so it's always important to be mindful of how much exercise you're getting. If you've found yourself unable to escape to the gym for your regular workout, grab a few Christmas fruitcake bricks and run through your usual free weight routine. Just be careful not to pull a muscle. It's likely your Christmas fruitcake is actually heavier than your dumbbells.
A single loaf of Christmas fruitcake is deadlier than a brick when used for self-defense purposes. At least I think it is. Keep your fruitcake on your nightstand to fend off potential intruders. Of course, simply having the fruitcake in your possession might be enough to keep criminals out of your home on its own. Alarms can be tampered with and locks can be broken, but the scent of rotting fruitcake? Now that's a deterrent.
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