The second I started watching this epic commercial for something called the Perfect Bacon Bowl, I knew my life was about to be forever changed. (And FYI, it turns out The Secret works. I've been putting this one out into the universe for years now.)
It's rare to be a witness to true greatness, but when you see it, you know.
Never mind that making bacon into a bowl is a brilliant idea (like, just imagine a cold scoop of butter pecan ice cream inside a salty bacon bowl, or cheesy mashed potatoes, or guaca-freakin'-mole or — oh wait, actually don't, because now I'm drooling uncontrollably onto my keyboard, and that is weird and sad) — the commercial itself is ingenious.
The jingle resonates with my soul from the get-go, starting with the sound of sizzling bacon and unfolding into the lush sounds of what could very possibly be a Queen cover band.
"It's crunchy and delicious/ It's possibly nutritious/ It's music to my soul/ It's the Bacon Bowl!"
It's a song that appeals to humanity's most deeply held emotions, to those irrefutable truths that are the foundation of our existence.
"It's brilliant and astounding/ Its genius is confounding/ Perfection to behold/ Perfect Bacon Bowl!"
The Bacon Bowl: the hero America has been waiting for.
"Da deet da doo da dyahdooo!"
Da deet da doo da dyahdooo indeed. I want that guy to sing at my wedding. Which, incidentally, is now going to be bacon-themed.
You can score the Perfect Bacon Bowl on their website for 10 bucks. It also comes with an "I Love Bacon Bowl" pin, which you should obviously wear on every outfit you own for the rest of your life (which may not be long, depending on how often you use the Perfect Bacon Bowl).
Or, if you're like me, you can spend the rest of your day watching the video on loop, dreaming that someday you'll be sitting in a bacon chair at a bacon desk, eating bacon out of a bacon bowl and watching the greatest infomercial of all time on a bacon-covered computer.
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