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by Julie Sprankles
Julie Sprankles is a freelance writer living in the storied city of Charleston, SC. When she isn't slinging sass for SheKnows, she enjoys watching campy SyFy creature features (Pirahnaconda, anyone?), trolling the internet for dance work...
"If I could master a stick shift, could a successful relationship be that far behind?" — Carrie
Honey, if you can master a stick shift, you are capable of anything you put your mind to... including a lasting relationship. After all, love doesn't have a clutch to contend with.
"The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you." — Samantha
Men, sheesh! Can't live with them, can't live without them. Or could we? Hmm....
"I've spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!" — Carrie
As they say, if the shoe fits... in all seriousness, though, that's a lot of footwear.
"Balls are to men what purses are to women — it's just a little bag, but we'd feel naked in public without it." — Carrie
Note: Ours are prettier.
"I like my money where I can see it — hanging in my closet." — Carrie
Just think of the closet as a walk-in savings account.
"I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife, but in those fantasies I was running over them with a truck." — Carrie
If this is wrong, we don't want to be right.
"Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls… because they can." — Samantha
Oh, that Samantha. She has such a way with words, no? We find this particularly poignant (and true).
"Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever." — Carrie
We heard that. Bonus if said apartment doesn't constantly smell like curry from an Indian restaurant downstairs.
"What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the sphinx." — Miranda
Seriously, guys. Hopefully it won't take centuries for men to master this "riddle."
"I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party — I just believe in parties." — Samantha
Can we pledge Samantha's political affiliation? 'Cause it sounds super. Let's write her in on the next ballot, shall we?
"If you're tired, you take a napa, you don't move to Napa." — Carrie
There are few things more satisfying in this world than a well-timed pun.
"I revealed too much too soon — I was emotionally slutty." — Carrie
Damn, don't you hate when that happens? You know you should stop talking, but you just can't seem to zip your lips.
Miranda: "Today's the baby nurse's last day. From now on, you'll have to book me a year in advance."
Carrie: "Wow, you're like Nobu."
Precisely. Only swap out the fancy five-star food with pureed green beans. Yum.
"I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people." — Samantha
I don't think they make an antibiotic for that, but I could be wrong.
"I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says 'virgin.' I have a child. The jig is up." — Miranda
Woe to the woman who had to hawk white wedding dresses to Miranda Hobbes!
"Men in their forties are like The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle: tricky, complicated and you're never really sure you got the right answer." — Carrie
See also: Men in their twenties, thirties, fifties, sixties, etc., etc., etc.
Samantha: "I can't even be around that man. He's dangerous and toxic."
Carrie: "So he's manthrax?"
I think every woman can agree that there are some men you should have to wear a HAZMAT suit to date.
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