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16 Parenting lessons we learned from Lifetime movies

Shanee Edwards is a screenwriter who earned her master's degree at UCLA Film School. She recently won the Next MacGyver television writing competition to create a TV show about a female engineer. Her TV pilot, Ada and the Machine, is cur...

#1/17:

Lifetime's lessons

Lifetime
#1/17:

Lifetime's lessons

Lifetime movies are not only entertaining. They offer some of the best, if not harsh, parenting advice you can find on your television. Here's just some of the mom-wisdom we've gleaned over the years by taking these stories deep into our dark hearts.

#3/17:

Mothers are different

#3/17:

Mothers are different

By watching If There Be Thorns, we learned that our own mothering skills are stellar compared to some less loving mothers we know, who shall remain nameless. 

#4/17:

Sin infects your blood

#4/17:

Sin infects your blood

In Seeds of Yesterday, we learned that really bad sin, like incest, can actually shrink to a microscopic size, fit into your blood vessels and mingle with your red and white blood cells. Seriously, it's true. 

#5/17:

Proper way to pray

#5/17:

Proper way to pray

God only hears your prayers if you're on the ground. Any prayers made while standing fly right by God's ears, at least according to Seeds of Yesterday.

#6/17:

Attics = Angry kids

#6/17:

Attics = Angry kids

Turns out that if you lock your kids in an attic for more than a few weeks, they get really, really mad, so you probably shouldn't do it, like, ever. Thanks for the valuable lesson, If There Be Thorns!

#7/17:

Your child's burden

#7/17:

Your child's burden

As a parent, it's very important to express your own needs, no matter how small. Watching Liz and Dick taught us that it's your kids' job to entertain you in life's slower moments, so be sure to let them know. Also, crying helps get the point across.

#8/17:

Always being ladylike

#8/17:

Always being ladylike

We all want our teenage daughters to exhibit pristine manners and decorum, so by watching Fab Five: Texas Cheerleader Scandal, we learned that referring to one's nail polish while giving someone the finger sends the most polite "f*** you" of all.

#9/17:

Good oral hygiene

#9/17:

Good oral hygiene

As parents, we want our children to practice the best oral hygiene possible. Especially if we think their bad breath may enrage an ax murderer, like Lizzy Borden from Lizzy Borden Took an Ax.

#10/17:

Beware of lockers!

#10/17:

Beware of lockers!

In addition to teaching us that sexting can damage your daughter's repuation, Sexting in Suburbia taught us that those dials on lockers are laden with germs. Keep hand santizer in your backpack at all times. 

#11/17:

Sex isn't everything

#11/17:

Sex isn't everything

In the film She's Too Young, we learned that 14-year-old girls who are dating older boys aren't just concerned with sex. Things like video games are important, too. Oh, and syphilis.

#12/17:

Don't go to Italy

#12/17:

Don't go to Italy

By watching Amanda Knox: Murder on Trial in Italy, we learned it's OK to send our kids abroad. Just not to Italy, where "nothing is forbidden," including framing an innocent young woman for murder.

#13/17:

No pain, no gain

#13/17:

No pain, no gain

In The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe, we learned that true talent takes lots and lots and lots of practice. It's totally acceptible to tell our kids to pay no mind to those blisters on their feet!

#14/17:

A positive self-image

#14/17:

A positive self-image

A mother always wants her daughter to look her best. That's why you need to stare at yourself in as many mirrors as possible, just like Marilyn Monroe.

#15/17:

Be a princess!

#15/17:

Be a princess!

Grace of Monaco taught us that it's not enough to encourage our daughters to be beautiful, successful actresses who play princesses in movies. We want them to be real princesses because, hey, princesses are way better and get to wear crowns with real jewels, not cheap costume ones.

#16/17:

Eat enough fiber

#16/17:

Eat enough fiber

Lizzie Borden knows how to eat healthy, and she inspired our kids to eat more fruit to help them get their daily allowance of fiber.  

#17/17:

Most important lesson

Lifetime
#17/17:

Most important lesson

Probably the biggest lesson in parenting we learned came from Lizzie Borden Took an Ax: Be nice to your children, or they just might chop you up into little pieces. 

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