Monday night’s airing of The Bachelorette provided all the toe-curling, uncomfortable cheese we’ve grown accustomed to with this franchise. My gag reflex in overdrive, I wondered if this nauseating format could survive another season. As I longed for a shirtless Sean Lowe, it dawned on me that the girl version of this show is better. Here’s why…
Group of shirtless guys instead of one
This was the first episode of Season 9 that I have seen (it was the second episode of the season) and I was overcome with a severe case of “Who gives a damn?” This premise to me is tired — the same big-a** mansion, the same douche-parade of guys willing to debase themselves on TV, the same exotic locales and dates that are so over the top you’d fall in love with Chris Brown if you dated him under those circumstances. But then as I watched the everyday guy’s version of Katie Holmes, Desiree Hartsock, interact with the men (wishing I was watching last season’s bachelor, beefcake Sean Lowe prancing around with no shirt on) I realized with The Bachelorette, you can watch a dozen men with no shirt on. So I hung with the show for a few more minutes.
Watching boy drama unfold is so much more fun than watching girl drama escalate. Girl drama looks like two diva cats fighting over the same recliner. Boy drama looks like two caveman fighting over the same dead animal.
“Dude, you’re like a liar and stuff.”
“Dude, no I’m not. I’ll straight up tell you something to your face.”
“Cool. Let’s go have a drink bro.”
Things got a bit dramatic when Michael started acting like a little girl and pouting because Ben talked to Des at the cocktail party even though he already had a rose and was thusly safe from elimination. Yeah, it was a chump move on Ben’s part, but Michael ended up looking like kind of an a** for calling Ben out.
D-bags are more entertaining
There is something delightfully entertaining about watching everyday d-bags be less cool than they think they are. When we see a meathead in our daily lives, he’s all puffed up thinking he’s the P-I-M-P, but when there are a dozen other guys around, tool bags have to take it down a notch to get the girl. When there is that much competition, even the gym rats come off a bit nerdy.
Sob stories are better
The boys were playing for keeps last night during their one-on-one time with Des. It’s a bit uncomfortable to watch men spill their guts after not knowing someone that long, and on camera. On The Bachelor the girls just had abandonment issues and missing appendages. Last night the guys had tales of woo that included tragically broken homes, drug addict moms, and a tractor accident! How do the producers find so many good-looking men with so many personal struggles? Makes you wonder if that is part of the interview process, and if your sob story isn’t strong enough, do you not make the cut? “Oh, we see here that you were hit in crosswalk by a car but only sustained minor injuries. Yeah, we’re sorry. That’s not tragic enough. Thanks for coming out.”
One thing The Bachelorette has in spades that The Bachelor does not is male ego. Those of us familiar with male ego recognize it when we see it, and appreciate it for the formidable foe that it can be. Watching all those male dogs trying to mark the same tree is an evolutionary masterpiece, and women everywhere would be wise to take notes. If you want to be in a relationship with a male, you’d better take a crash course on the male ego, which is exactly what you get when you cram more than one guy in the same living space and have them fight for the same woman. Lord, we can smell the testosterone from here.
Image credit ABC