Survive The Apocalypse — Or These Songs?
So you survived Dec. 21, but what songs do you wish had burned in apocalyptic terror? Before you break out the elastic waistbands and New Year's resolutions, let's reflect on what could possibly be the worst of 2012.
What's your pick for the worst song of 2012?
We're five days from 2013, so why don't we reflect on the five worst songs that we've witnessed this past year?
Now, I am always loaded with opinions and never shy away from expressing my biases, but this time, I wanted to research what you thought throughout this year. I took a chance and asked a few friends to gather inspiration for the list below. What did they say, you ask? The choices were all too easy (apparently), because there was an overload of Bieber hate followed quickly by One Direction–inspired insults.
So, I scoured the inter-waves, scraped the skin of gossip sites and soaked myself in the sea of music reviews. What you see below is what the masses have said.
What emerged? Pretty much what I already thought. It's always hard to agree on what is good, but it's ironically easy to unanimously agree on the irritating.
#5: "Goin' In" — Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez. That's a household name. Vivacious, strong, independent and talented. Now, after you have an unstoppable hit like "Dance Again," the stakes are high. And "Goin' In" was not a fair follow-up. The video was entertaining (her outfits and dance moves are always bangin'), but the song itself was just meh. I hate to put her on this list, but for taking us up so high with the singles she was releasing, only to drop us so low — sorry JLo.
#4: "Instagram That Hoe" — Fat Joe feat. Rick Ross (and someone irrelevant)
Oh, no no no. Fat Joe, please "lean back" so far that you disappear again. I hadn't heard his music in a while, but he's got a decent flow, his style is unique and I'm always up for new music. However, the title already had this single dubbed a "loser." Instagram? Really? Sorry, then you pair it up with the most respectable word "hoe," and wow, you have the makings for an alluring hit right there. Press play, because he's the best person to depict his own ruin — and degrade any respect you may have for him.
#3: "Payphone" — Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
Normally, I think Adam Levine's voice is pained and beautiful, but in this case, it sounds whiny and miserable. I want to sing along, but then I end up changing the radio station. I cannot help but curse his godly beauty. I would love for someone to send me a comment about a deeper meaning to this song, other than the fact that "payphone" rhymes with "home." Jokes aside, the lyrics aren't that bad, and Wiz does make for a good addition. However, this song just doesn't do justice to Levine's musical prowess.
#2: "Kim Kardashian" — Soulja Boy
You know how BET's late-night programming features raunchy music videos and subpar rappers? I can't understand why Soulja Boy has fans, but if you've heard this song, you'll know why you aren't one of them. A repetitive phrase dominates the song — what phrase is it? "Kim Kardashian" repeated. Over. And over. This doesn't really warrant an explanation other than...
#1: "Stupid Hoe" — Nicki Minaj
Dear Nicki, why do you make it so easy to make fun of you? Are your attempts at Barbie-likeness only trying to bite the bullet before we bullies annihilate you? If hiding behind your mask of makeup wasn't bad before, now you will need it — because this song is just a downright outrage. (And here's that "hoe" word again.) It's nonsensical or, rather, unimaginative and annoying. I wish this were a horrible song I could at least sing along to, like Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe." Alas, you manage to make me even more disappointed in you.
So dear readers, please feel free to comment on what songs you think should have made the list. I would love to hear from you!
Happy New Year! Let's hope we don't see the same artists on the list next year.
Photo courtesy of Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.com