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New Year, new scandals: Our celebrity predictions for 2013

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at Okay, shes the only authoress at funny freelance. When shes not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as S...

Three jeers for the New Year!

Celebrities entertain us in so many ways, and often it has nothing to do with their talent. Like an exaggerated version of our immediate circles within our own common lives, celebrities furnish scandal and drama, but because they are celebrities, they just seem to do it much bigger and better than the rest of us. Here are a few scandals we’d like to see in 2013…

Three jeers for the New Year!Ashton Kutcher

So Ashton marries a celebrity MILF and befriends her kids to skyrocket his career and so he can high-five Hollywood elite like Bruce Willis. Perhaps that's a bit cynical, but we’re pretty certain he knew of the age difference between Demi and himself when he asked her to marry him, so when he started chasing younger women it just felt predictable and tacky — and heartbreaking, because Demi seemed to truly adore her much younger husband. In 2013, we’re hoping Ashton’s new lady friend Mila Kunis dumps his a** due to something like a social disease he failed to disclose. Then A**-hton can bunk with his Two and a Half Men predecessor Charlie Sheen and we can get all the juicy details of Hollywood’s tackiest bachelors.

Image courtesy Ai-wire/

Three jeers for the New Year!Hugh Hefner

What scandal could possibly await the king of the Playboy castle, Hugh Hefner? Hugh and his fiance (for a second time) Crystal Harris could kick off the New Year with a wedding. Or Crystal could leave Hugh high and dry again like she did in 2011 when she called off their nuptials five days before the blessed event. If they get hitched, this couple could furnish us with many a juicy scandal from a pregnancy (eww) to heart problems for Hugh trying to keep up with a much younger woman (he’s 86, she’s 26 — double eww). Whatever 2013 has in store for these lovebirds (okay one lovebird, one old bird) it's sure to provide many “eww” moments.

Image courtesy Daniel Deme/

Three jeers for the New Year!Brangelina

While not exactly scandalous, we’re certain the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie crew will give us something to chew on in 2013. The wedding that will be heard ‘round the world is bound to take place in the coming year with all the hinting around Brad has been doing — that coupled with the fact that these two have been paired for seven years and have six kids together. What other celebrity feeding frenzies could they provide? Well, Brad could make a movie we actually want to watch. Okay, that was cheap. But seriously, could Brad just do something that doesn’t suck? We’re in the mood for something of the same caliber as Inglourious Basterds. Maybe the Jolie-Pitts will adopt another orphan. Perhaps Brad’s mom will tire of her son’s liberal ways conflicting with her conservative beliefs and she'll he-slap him in front of photographers. That’s a stretch, you say? We’ll just have to stay tuned and see what this dynamic duo has in store for us in 2013.

Image courtesy

Three jeers for the New Year!Lindsay Lohan

Here is what we want for LiLo in 2013: A scandal-free year, a successful stint in rehab and a comeback that will give little boys and girls inspiration for generations to come. Lindsay gives us plenty to talk about when it comes to scandal, but her life has gone from juicy to just sad. We would rejoice if she’d just disappear in 2013, clean up her act and come back better than ever, reminding us how talented she is and why she became famous before she became infamous. We’re rooting for you, Lindsay! (Plus, we’re tired of reading about your derailed, so-called life. Get it together already!)

Image couretsy Adriana M. Barraza,
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