When Universal approached us with a unique opportunity to interview their lead character, Ted, in light of his upcoming DVD release, we couldn't pass it up. Since many of you already saw the hilarious movie in theaters, however, we decided to ask Ted some questions of a different nature that we knew only he would have the guts to answer honestly.
So here it goes, our candid interview with Ted on the world of dating.
Ted: Wow. Let me count the ways… Not talking enough, not listening enough, not offering to pick up the check, not taking you home, not allowing repeated attempts to grope, fondle or otherwise express physical interest. And the worst way to ruin a date has got to be ending with the “let’s just be friends” line. Look, I don’t need another friend, I already have John (Mark Wahlberg), and Sam “Flash Gordon” Jones. Don’t get me wrong — I’ve ruined my fair share of dates, but I usually own it.
Ted: There is no such thing as too soon. I’ve found that phone sex before the first date really helps break the ice... so the first date is fine. Skip dessert, I say, and go mess up the sheets.
Ted: Well, I think all women are beautiful, and that makeup should be used sparingly, to enhance a girl’s beauty. I mean, if all goes according to plan, all that makeup is gonna come off anyway. That being said, if you’re scary ugly like Abraham Lincoln, then go for broke. Pick a dark restaurant and sit in the corner booth, preferably near an emergency exit.
Ted: Because she’s real. She really is that person. She comes across as someone who doesn’t really care if she’s pretty even though she actually is drop-dead gorgeous. I speak from experience, having worked with her, and having looked up her towel, which was awesome. I think she treats everybody the same. Looks don’t matter to her — it’s what’s inside that counts. Traits like these are essential for a three-foot-tall teddy bear. If I ever get married, it will be to her. Or someone like her. But preferably her.
Ted: Yes, but if you’re rockin’ your two big bad boys like a porn star, then don’t get all uppity about your guy not making eye contact. I speak from experience, because I’m pretty much at boob level to you. If we don’t see eye to eye, just know that I usually see eye to nipple.
Ted: Yes. Are you asking me out? Because the answer is yes. And I feel like we already know each other. And you look so sexy with that laptop in your lap. How would you like a bear in your lap?
Ted: Age is just a number. If you’re smokin’ hot and ready to rumble, I don’t care what decade you were born in… as long as we’re talking legally of age. Megan Fox, Ashley Judd, Dame Judi Dench… you’re all beautiful to me.
Ted: Here’s a bullet list:
Ted: Well, if you pay more attention to playing Words with Friends than to me, I’m not going to feel very confident in the evening’s outcome. If you are literally playing with the phone like it’s a sex toy, well, then we have a lot to talk about.
Ted: Go commando. Easy access, ladies. Trust me. Everything is so much easier.
Ted hits stores Dec. 11, so be sure to check out this fuzzy little dude in all his glory. Seth MacFarlane raised the bar on the raunch-o-meter of this flick but honestly, it makes it one of the more memorable comedic experiences of the past year.
If you're looking to give the gift of laughs this holiday season, Ted's your go-to guy, hands down!
What would you ask Ted? Share in the comments below!
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