Finally, Bella (Kristen Stewart) is no longer human. Having given birth to her daughter while still warm-blooded, Bella is now living the life she claims she was born to live — as Edward’s (Robert Pattinson) plasma-slurping, pasty-skinned, sex-kitten-wife. Nice!
With cabernet-colored eyes, Bella now knows her husband in the biblical sense, without any guilt, puritanical shame, or remorse. She and Edward are getting it on, and as a red-blooded woman, I can whole-heartedly celebrate this coupling! And boy, does the sex look good.
But what about Bella’s father, Charlie Swan (Billy Burke)? How much information is safe for him to know? Jacob (Taylor Lautner) decides to fill Charlie in on the basics of supernatural beings by stripping in front of him (wonderful for us, but a bit too awkward for Charlie) then magically turning into a wolf. I guess that’s one way for Jacob to make his case to the human world.
Little Renesmee (a CGI creation at first, then played by a dozen or so young actresses as she quickly ages) loves both the Cullen clan and hanging in the wolf den. But Jacob is overly fond of this wee babe and his second awkward moment in the film comes as he genetically “imprints” on her. At least he’s in Renesmee’s corner, right?
But Jacob’s inappropriate behavior is of little importance once the Volturi, or vampire police, get involved. Led by Aro (Michael Sheen), this undead watch group has reason to believe Renesmee is a human-child-turned-vampire (think of the adorable, but ruthless little Claudia in Interview with a Vampire).
Turns out that when children are turned into bloodsuckers, they are not able to acquire the impulse control required to keep vamps secret and must be destroyed by decapitation and fire. Better hide the kid, quick!
This is the central conflict of the movie and makes for one beautifully violent battle scene set on a timeless, silver-white snowfield. The druid-style hoods and capes, the fangs, Bella’s bad-a** kickboxing moves, and the numerous beheadings all crash onto the screen like the dreamscape of a demonic battle for a little girl’s soul.
My favorite image in the film is when Renesmee rides Jacob’s furry back as they are chased from the battlefield through the forest at hyper-speed. This image delights our unconscious minds, like watching the anti-Little Red Riding Hood. Renesmee is the girl who mastered the big, bad, wolf, and fractured her fairy-tale-fate for all the right reasons.
The only thing I miss from the The Twilight Saga in general, is the blood. How lovely it would have looked spewing on the virgin white snow, sparkling in the sunlight as heads were ripped off their spines. OK, I’m starting to creep myself out.
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