Trying To Be A Twi-Hard

I’d like to introduce you to the last female in America who hasn’t read the Twilight books. Me. I only recently watched the movies for this assignment. I really don’t have a good reason for shunning the Twilight series, other than I avoid hugely popular stuff — specifically books. Here is what I learned…

Breaking Dawn Part 2I’m never moving to Forks, Washington!

Fork that! Evidently, Forks is a hotbed for creatures of the night. How would a gal ever get any sleep in a town like that? I like to go for walks and hikes in the woods, and I’d like to do it without having to worry if I’m going to cross paths with an unearthly sized wolf! I also like to fall asleep at night without wondering if some bloodthirsty vamp wants my neck for dinner!

Non-humans aside, I don’t care for the weather systems in Forks, Washington. It’s always dreary and cloudy. And I couldn’t help but notice in Eclipse that one minute Edward and Bella are battling Victoria in the snow and the next they are lying in a field of purple flowers (no, that’s not cliché — sorry Twi-hards)!!

Twilight Breaking Dawn — Part 2: Are you a vampire? >>

Bella has a thing for non-humans

Geez, I guess us mothers of teenage girls really can’t complain about their boyfriends anymore. At least our daughters aren’t bringing home vampires and werewolves!

Everyone tries to put themselves in the place of a story’s protagonist, and I guess I’m just having a hard time getting inside Bella’s head. What’s so great about Edward? I, for one, find his eyebrows incredibly distracting. I mean, he’s nice and all and treats Bella respectfully, but isn’t he more than 100 years old? That’s not OK. And what is this great love story based on? Bella’s bubbly personality? Her good cheer? Her optimistic attitude? Her witty sense of humor? From where I’m sitting, I have a hard time seeing these two as soulmates — because as I understand it, you have to have a soul to find a soulmate.

At first, I thought it might have been my age (I’m 42) or my experience that made me a bit skeptical of this love-match, but I ran into a woman over 60 the other day who was sick with excitement about the midnight premiere of Breaking Dawn — Part 2. It was the day before the presidential election and this educated woman (a nurse) was consumed with excitement about Breaking Dawn — Part 2. Whaaaa? I just don’t get it.

Behind the scenes: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 >>

Bella’s dad isn’t horribly observant

For a policeman troubled by all the recent murders in his area, Charlie’s not terribly observant. You think he’d be a little suspicious of Edward and his pale, ageless family. He is also oblivious to the fact that his best friend’s kid is a werewolf. Police work isn’t for everyone. Maybe Charlie should explore other careers where the powers of observation are less important.

Insanity: 1,500 fans camp out for Breaking Dawn — Part 2 >>

High school drama

Bella’s high school experience is sure putting the rest of ours in perspective, wouldn’t you say? In high school, my only drama came from if I was going to win co-president of the student council and watching my high school crush crushing on someone other than me. Big deal. Bella’s hanging with vampires, wondering if hostile ones are going to kill her, and dealing with a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf. Sort of makes all those nights when I tossed and turned, wondering if my high school crush was going to notice my existence, seem sort of silly.

When it came to high school graduation, most of us were wondering what college we were going to attend and what our future career path was. Bella’s getting ready to surrender her human nature for all eternity so she can hunt animals at night with her future husband. (As another side-note, when do these people sleep? If Edward and his vamp-fam are hunting all night, how does his dad get up and go work as a doctor all day? Why isn’t Edward nodding off during the middle of class?)

So what am I missing? Please enlighten me. Or Twilighten me, in this case. These stories are interesting in as much as it’s not a story line that has been done to death, but outside of that, why are women of all ages so in love with Edward? Why will women of all ages be lining up to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn — Part 2? I am clearly missing something and need your help!!

Image courtesy WENN.com


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