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Gossip Girl recap: High infidelity

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Even Gossip Girl can't keep up with the drama

In its final season, The CW's Gossip Girl is filled with more plot twists, back-stabbing and evil plans than ever before. It's so convoluted but so enrapturing.

Even Gossip Girl can't keep up with the drama

I like mornings in the Upper East Side according to Gossip Girl. Serena (Blake Lively) wakes up before noon and not hungover, but in the bed of some guy who didn't even know her real name until a week ago. Nate (Chase Crawford) wakes up with a pixie-like "journalism student." Blair (Leighton Meester) pops up from under her duvet and immediately starts scolding Dorota. And Dan (Penn Badgley) opens his eyes to find Georgina staring at him. Again.

And where's Chuck (Ed Westwick) at 7 a.m.? Already suited-up and scheming, of course.

Even Gossip Girl can't keep up with the drama

Chuck Bass has s*** to do — he's desperately trying to figure out why his father faked his own death and what he was up to while away. As always, Lily is convinced Chuck is trying to ruin their marriage. Never mind that Bart is perfectly capable of doing that himself. He slept with what's-her-name before he "died," but Lilly seems unconcerned.

Meanwhile, Blair has her own scheming to do when she finds out the reporter assigned to write about her fashion collection is none other than Nelly Yuki. Blair only tortured her for most of their lives (totally not a conflict of interest, right?). Then, Blair sends her minions to spy on Poppy Lifton's line and finds out they're using the same fabric. Havoc ensues.

While everyone else is dressed for business, Serena flutters around Manhattan in a maxi-dress. This, and coffee with Nate, is her idea of being a grown-up. While they're out, S and Nate spot Nate's new girl, Sage, with Serena's boyfriend/whatever, Steven (Barry Watson). Eek.

Today, Dan is only slightly less inappropriately dressed. As he and Georgina hit up various magazines looking to publish Dan's "tell-all," Dan sports some frat-boy chic with faded jeans and an untucked button-down. Classy, Humphrey.

In the end, everything comes out at the Central Park Conservancy Gala. Blair goes head-to-head with Nelly and Poppy and discovers they weren't trying to sabotage her after all. They knew she'd do it on her own. Nate and Serena find out Steven and Sage aren't cheating together. Sage just happens to be Steven's 17-year-old daughter. Gross on so many levels.

Even Gossip Girl can't keep up with the drama

Finally, acting on the advice Nelly offered him at the Gala, Dan forgoes serializing his tell-all with the bigger magazines. Instead, he hands it over to Nate for Spectator.

Oh, and we still have no idea what Bart Bass was up to while he was dead.

Other (un)important things from this week:

The hair: Technically, Dan and Chuck have the exact same haircut. Difference: Dan's looks like it's been ravaged by a tornado. We're supposed to want to run our fingers through it, but we're too afraid they'll get stuck. Nelly's hair at the Gala was the strangest thing ever (as were her glasses). Is that what the stylists think "loser hair" looks like? Also, someone please tackle Serena, wash her hair and then give the girl some fresh highlights.

Even Gossip Girl can't keep up with the drama

Serena's dress at the Gala: What? No.

Chuck's safe: No. Chuck is smarter than to use his mother's birthday as the combination. Also, did anyone else notice the books in his safe? What do you think they are? We're betting two of them are first editions of The Art of War and The Age of Innocence.

There's no way even one designer would choose that awful fabric. Not even Poppy, much less Blair.

Barry Watson (Steven) and Serena as a couple is still incredibly disturbing. The Rev. and Mrs. Camden would never approve.

Batman Chuck threatening Daddy-Bass: So hot.

Finally, Blair has a week to create a new clothing line. Where is Jenny? Where is Jenny? Where is Jenny?!

Images courtesy of The CW
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