This horror fest has it all -- urban legend, hot blondes screaming in their underwear, scraggly and adequately creepy local guy, and a healthy heap of violence. Legend allegedly has it (at my ripe age of 42 I had never heard of it) that if you don’t hold your breath when you drive past a graveyard, you can inhale the souls of evil spirits -- or something like that. These 20-somethings were too cool to pay attention to this warning and apparently suck down demons en route to a camping trip. (What is it about camping/the woods that set the perfect scene for young, attractive people to get picked off one by one?) If you’re looking for “campy,” mindless entertainment, empty your bladder and head to the theaters tonight (Oct. 5).
Did we learn nothing from A Haunting? There are a few hints that your new house may be haunted -- the Realtor refuses to go inside, the temperature is inexplicably cold and you can see your breath in the kitchen, there is a half-eaten steak on the counter, there is a player piano in the living room and/or a family was murdered there! Sheesh. A true-crime novelist played by Ethan Hawke (and yes, he does wear a cliché fisherman sweater complete with leather elbow patches throughout the entire movie) moves his family into a home where a family was slain. Then -- are you sitting down -- sh** gets weird. If you love being scared witless, this is your feature. It’s got everything -- Pagan symbols, a box of homemade family movies found in a Skeleton Key-esque attic. Be scared out of your freaking mind on Friday, Oct. 12.
Some movies haunt us while we watch in a dark theater, others haunt us for days or weeks. Those familiar with the Paranormal Activity franchise, know that these freak-fests stick with us much longer than we would like. And recall typically takes place in the middle of the night when we can’t sleep because we wonder what darkness haunts the night. Did the bedroom door just open? Was the bathroom light on when I fell asleep? Didn’t I turn the TV off before I went to bed? What woke the cat up? This latest Paranormal Activity installment looks as if it will deliver in much the same way the other Paranormal Activities movies have -- which is to take about five years off the life of our tickers. Watch Paranormal Activity 1-3 to train for the horrors you’re sure to find in the Oct. 19 release of Paranormal Activity 4.
We suspect this may be one of those features that will be scary for a whole host of reasons that may have nothing to do with a menacing entity or foreboding story line. Will this polar-universe premise deliver? Hard to say. We’d prioritize these other titles before this one, but if you live for the month of October because of all the Halloween-themed films, add this to the list. Did you happen to catch the 3D portion of the title? That alone may be reason enough to set the evening of Oct. 26th aside. Take your blood pressure meds first.
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