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Antonio Banderas getting, how you say? Divorced?

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

What happened?

Sure, Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas always seemed like sort of an odd couple, but they’ve been married for-ev-er (15 years) by Hollywood standards. While this is still very much just rumor and speculation, we can’t help but wonder what may be up with these two. Here are a few of our theories…


Marrying a Latin lover seemed like a good idea

Ah, we’ve seen it time and again. Women fall for the sultry charms of Latin men and in some cases marry them, forgetting that Latin men are often called Latin lovers -- as in plural. Generally speaking, Latin men like Antonio who have gone on record saying they love beautiful women (again, plural) want to keep loving beautiful women. Antonio was allegedly recently spotted kissing another woman in Cancun, which has ruffled some serious feathers in Melanie’s nest.

People change... their appearance?

Usually when couples talk about how people change and grow apart, they mean emotionally. Since marrying Antonio, we’ve seen the beautiful Melanie change into someone else, physically. When pictures surface after she’s had her lips touched up, she doesn’t have the bee-sting look; she has the baseball-bat look. She’s almost unrecognizable. We could see Antonio waking up beside her and saying, “Who, how you say, are you?” We encourage Melanie to step away from the plumpers and get back to being her normal-lipped, beautimous self.

Midlife crisis

Melanie is 54 years old and Antonio is 51. Midlife can be a scary time for many, but particularly if your every move has been scrutinized by the public. Sometimes you hold up a mirror and question your choices -- like the number of times you’ve been in rehab, why you haven’t been in any movies lately, and if you are meant to live out the second half of your life with the person you are married to, or if you are meant to live it out with a 28-year-old-bikini model. Just remember, Melanie and Antonio -- they call it “crisis” for a reason and no one should make any life-altering decisions when in crisis mode.

The grass is not greener

Melanie and Antonio’s friends should be sitting them down and reminding them of this, particularly their single friends. People who have been married for a while tend to glamorize the single life. This is a huge mistake because the single life is glamorous -- for about 20 seconds. From there it is nothing but a cluster of bad dates, drinking and poor decisions. Of course, there are those who think dating is fun. They are called sadomasochists. Like the saying goes, if you think the grass is greener on the other side, remember that is because it’s covered in bull****.

So Anthony and Melanie, we implore you. Pull it together. Melanie, step away from the rehab clinics and collagen implants, and Anthony step away from extramarital dalliances and start working on, how you say? A reconciliation.

Image courtesy of Adriana M. Barraz/WENN.com
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