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The first 5 things Katie Holmes will do after her divorce

Kat Hobza resides in sunny Western Montana. She is the Senior Authoress Specializing in Sarcasm at www.funnyfreelance.com. Okay, she’s the only authoress at funny freelance. When she’s not formulating tongue-in-cheek ideas and content as...

How Katie might celebrate her freedom

We’ve all watched a much different Katie emerge after marrying Tom Cruise. We've seen a glowing, confident, impeccably dressed young woman in love seemingly slip away into a grumpy housewife with dirty hair. Those days are over. Now that Katie has declared her independence from Tom-Tom, here is what we suspect her immediate to-do list consists of.…

Katie Holmes divorceGo on antidepressants

Tom Cruise is against psychiatry, as he arrogantly spelled out to Matt Lauer. As if we hadn’t figured that out for ourselves after the infamous Oprah-couch jumping spectacle. We’re not suggesting Katie needs or wants antidepressants, but with Mr. “I know the history of psychiatry and you don’t” out of the picture, at least Katie has the option of antidepressants. Divorce is tough. With Thomas-the-Great out of the way, Katie can see 10 different shrinks if she wants to! (As a side-note, how many times do you think Katie asked Tom: "Um, aren't you an actor?" in response to his many medical opinions.)

Star in a movie again

We didn’t see much of Katie after she became a part of TomKat, and that may have been her choice. With reports of Tom being a raging control freak, maybe it wasn’t. We liked Mad Money and all, but we’re just ready to see Katie celebrate her divorce with a string of blockbusters that will make Rock of Ages an even bigger embarrassment.

Rock of Ages, or Flop of Ages? >>

Get back to her glamorous self

Before marrying TC, we grew accustomed to seeing a meticulously glammed and groomed Katie. If we’ve seen her at all, it’s been pictures of her with her daughter, Suri, who always looks like a fashion plate, while Mommy looks like she’s headed to the Laundromat. Katie’s hair is often in disarray, and she’s wearing baggy jeans and little to no makeup. She looks like someone in the bowels of a depression who wasn’t allowed to do anything about it. Remember Katie, depression hurts on the outside, too. Gurl, clean your fine self up and start setting the standard for grace and glamour again!

Gain some freakin’ weight

Katie will no doubt not miss the Scientology-based “Purification Rundowns” that include vitamins, saunas and herbs, but evidently, no food. Katie’s frail frame can’t sustain the typical divorce diet that includes shucking about 170 pounds of dead weight. Get this girl a cheeseburger -- and get her another one while she’s waiting.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split! >>

Rebuild a relationship with her family

It was reported that the Holmes/Cruise union put a deep strain on the relationship between Katie and her Catholic parents, whose belief system didn’t really align with L. Ron Hubbard and his Scientology suggestions. Either that or they didn’t care for how Tom throws his head back and lets loose with a maniacal laugh that makes him sound like a demented villain. Whatever the reason, Katie can reunite with her family, without clearing it with anyone first.

Why did Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise split? >>

Image courtesy of WENN.com


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