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Ted movie review: dirty Fozzie is the hot new sex position

Shanee Edwards is a screenwriter who earned her master's degree at UCLA Film School. She recently won the Next MacGyver television writing competition to create a TV show about a female engineer. Her TV pilot, Ada and the Machine, is cur...

How raunchy can a teddy bear get?

Very! This down and dirty comedy takes a plush toy to new comedic heights with the help of Family Guy’s Seth MacFarlane and hottie Mark Wahlberg. If you like your humor lewd and politically incorrect, you’re in for a treat!

How raunchy can a teddy bear get?

Maybe because it’s America or maybe because the gods just happened to smile down on young John, an eight-year-old with no friends, his wish for his teddy bear to come to life is granted — yay for John! But Ted isn’t an updated Pinocchio story. This is more of a fractured fairy tale that cautions you to be careful what you wish for.

Flash forward 27 years and we meet 35-year-old John (Mark Wahlberg), on the couch, sucking a bong with his bear, Ted. Yes, Ted is a horny stoner/slacker and overall bad influence on John. It’s a miracle John’s live-in girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) has put up with this for the last several years. But now that John and Lori’s four-year anniversary is upon them, Lori has decided to put her foot down and gives John an ultimatum: the bear or me.

How raunchy can a teddy bear get?

John chooses wisely and Ted is forced to get a job and move out. As a cashier at the local quickie-mart, he goes for a quickie with sexy co-worker Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) and does the unthinkable with a parsnip. But Tami-Lynn loves her cuddly guy and is more than happy to engage in a sex position called the “dirty Fozzie.”  Yes, Ted goes there.

Ridiculous, of course! But it’s also funny. There’s a scene where Ted convinces man-child John to abandon Lori and join him as he parties with former Flash Gordon actor Sam J. Jones. I guarantee you’ve never seen a stuffed animal become a party animal like Ted. I couldn’t help but giggle at the scene where the little bear comes out of the bathroom with cocaine smeared all over his face.

How raunchy can a teddy bear get?

Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis take their roles very seriously, helping the audience suspend disbelief when it comes to a teddy bear who hires hookers. It’s a delight to see Seth MacFarlane’s comedic potential unleashed in an R-rated film.

Bottom line:  If you like the twisted humor of Seth MacFarlane, you’ll love watching him ratchet it up a notch in this raunchy, foul-mouthed farce. Look for a few fun cameos as well.

Photo credit: Universal

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