Most of you know Candace Cameron Bure as the beloved DJ Tanner on Full House, but these days, she has a "full house" of her own. (She's gotta just LOVE those kinds of lines! Ha!) As an actress, producer, New York Times bestselling author, international speaker, mother of three and wife for 16 years, we thought she was the perfect Celeb Marriage Mentor to go to for some sound advice on how to make a marriage last.
Bure: Val and I were introduced by Dave Coulier (Full House) at a charity hockey game. Val watched Full House to learn English after coming from Moscow, Russia just three years before we met. We exchanged phone numbers that night and Val called me the next morning to invite me to lunch. Gotta love a guy with ambition! At 18 years old and not having dated much, I wasn't looking for "the one." After our initial date, we had a courtship over the phone for four months before I ever saw him again, but on that faithful second date in Fredericton, New Brunswick, my heart was all in.
Val and I shared many of the same values, but the thing that connected this L.A. girl with that Russian boy was our work ethic. We'd both been working since we were 5 years old -- I was acting and he was playing hockey. I hadn't known another guy that age who was motivated, driven, mature and seasoned in adult life as a young child and teenager. And other than the fact that he was super-hot, it was his maturity and confidence that won my heart.
Bure: Phone courtship only for four months -- which I highly recommend... it allows you to get to know each other's heart and mind without allowing hormones, lust and sex to get in the way of good judgment! Then we dated long distance for six months before getting engaged. Fast, I know! My poor parents were even more surprised! Our engagement was for one year before tying the knot. We are celebrating 16 years of marriage on June 22.
Bure: The bible. I couldn't have made it this far without my faith in Jesus Christ and the blueprint the bible gives us for marriage. Marriage is difficult. It's always evolving and changing as we grow as people, have children and circumstances change. I'd probably have waved the white flag a few times by now if it weren't for the strong convictions both my husband and I have to live our lives for the Lord. I'm thankful for all the growth experiences life's challenges have given me, no matter how bleak they seem at times. Life is like a roller coaster. There will always be ups and downs. You just gotta hang on for the ride... cause it's worth it!
Bure: I'm so grateful to say that I have incredible role models when it comes to marriage. My parents have been married over 40 years, and both my grandparents between 55-65 years! I read a lot of books on marriage -- the bible, The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl and one of my favorites, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. You MUST prepare and work at marriage because the initial tingly, butterfly feelings only last as long as things are good. When the going gets rough, you need to know how to react ahead of time!
Bure: Family dynamics. As our children are getting older (13, 12 and 10 years old), the rules are changing and relationships are developing. Val and I are seeing more and more differences in how we handle each situation which often causes tension between us. So, every few weeks, we sit down and talk it through. The most important thing is for both of us to be open and honest and make an effort to apply what each of us needs from one another. We both must be aware of our attitudes and our words towards each other. And even when things aren't perfect, it's important to keep the intimacy going. Somehow... it softens us ;-)
Bure: It certainly can! I've never considered doing a sex scene nor is it an option just on personal conviction. But, that simple kiss at the end of a movie when the guy and girl finally profess their love for one another... YES! I love watching those moments! My husband... not so much -- which is why he doesn't. What husband wants to watch his wife flirt and kiss another guy? We've had many conversations about it and ended up here: He knows I love acting and if there's a romantic element in the script, he's given me his blessing (that may be a strong word LOL-- er... permission?) to do it. But, with that said... he's not going to watch it. And I completely understand and am OK with that.
Bure: That life no longer revolved around ME! I know, it sounds funny or even simple -- but it's the truth. I didn't realize that I would need to love what my husband loves and take an interest in his interests and vice versa. That I would have to compromise, be a giver even when it wasn't deserved and not win every argument. I didn't know how much grace I would have to extend and even more, would need extended to me.
And you'll see personalized content just for you whenever you click the My Feed .
SheKnows is making some changes!