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How to punish whopper-weavers like Timothy Poe

Julie Sprankles is a freelance writer living in the storied city of Charleston, SC. When she isn't slinging sass for SheKnows, she enjoys watching campy SyFy creature features (Pirahnaconda, anyone?), trolling the internet for dance work...

False Profits

Timothy Poe won the hearts of the America's Got Talent audience (and a standing ovation, to boot) with what turned out to be a big fat lie. Sadly, Poe isn't the first famous fibber to try getting rich quick at the expense of others. As satisfying as it is watching these loose-lipped losers squirm under scrutiny, we feel they deserve punishment reciprocal to their shams.

False Profits


Tall Tale: With a slight stutter, Sgt. Timothy Poe stood on the America's Got Talent stage and recounted a tragic tale of sustaining brain injuries and a broken back after selflessly trying to save fellow troops in Afghanistan from a grenade. Wait, what's that you say? The military has no evidence of any such thing ever happening? Poe now blames brain damage for his "confusion." Fitting Retribution: Well buddy, we're not going to argue with you on the brain damage claim; clearly, you're a few cards short of a full deck. What say we ship your shady a** back to a bunker in Afghanistan, where you can take the place of a real hero -- a soldier who has served several tours, and who has done so honorably.


Tall Tale: In 2008, Madoff admitted he made off with a motherload using his faux investment firm as a front. The plotter relied on a Ponzi scheme for more than a decade to trick investors into trusting him with their savings, ultimately bilking them of billions. Fitting Retribution: Yeah, yeah, so he went to jail. We want more! How about this? Madoff must make 50 billion license plates -- one for each dollar he stole -- emblazoned with IBGREEDY.


Tall Tale: Simpson, while maintaining his innocence in the murder case that made him infamous, wrote (and was paid generously for) a "fictional" tell-all book in 2006 describing the gory details of the murders had he committed them. Bizarre doesn't even begin to describe this. Fitting Retribution: In the end, public outrage led to the demise of this ill-fated endeavor (thank goodness!). But since Simpson is so keen on writing, perhaps he should pen a page-turner to help hopeless losers get a clue. Then he should read it. STAT.


Tall Tale: Frey shot to fame in 2005 when Oprah Winfrey featured his autobiography, A Million Little Pieces, in her book club. Lo and behold, news soon broke that Frey falsified some of the most heart-tugging parts of the tome dealing with his drug abuse and criminal past. His defense? Demons made me do it. Fitting Retribution: You can't capitalize on an issue that affects millions of people worldwide; that is demonic. We think you should spend the remainder of your days reading Pinocchio -- a nod to your no-no -- to the unfortunate youths who actually have drug-addicted parents as screwed up as you claimed to be.

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