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GCB episode 3 recap: Love isn't patient

Ashley Spivey is a former bachelorette from season 15 of The Bachelor where she holds the record for longest limo cry in the show's history. She now has the sweetest boyfriend in the world, lives in New York as a nanny, and writes for he...

The drama continues

The good Christian b*****s of GCB have some problems in the love department on episode three of the series.

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Y’all, I have to admit that this show is really growing on me! Being a Southerner, I usually am angered at our unrealistic portrayal -- but I think this show has a cute balance of ridiculous and sweet! The ratings haven’t been that great for the show lately so encourage everyone you know to start watching!

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Ripp and Carlene are having some major issues… in the bedroom! Ripp hasn’t told Carlene yet that he was a victim of Bill’s ponzi scheme. The loss of his millions has resulted in the loss of his libido!

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Carlene isn’t the only one who currently isn’t getting any! Cricket is losing her “trainer” to another woman and she isn’t happy about it!

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Can we just talk for a second about how attractive this preacher is? Lord knows that if my preacher had looked like this growing up, maybe I would have gone to church more often!

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Sharon decides to confront Amanda about kissing Zach…

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...but she falls victim to a sliding mess of boobies and wings!

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Heather is busy trying to woo the high school geek -- turned -- millionaire but things aren’t going exactly as planned!

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Cricket decides to try out another type of “workout” and is finally successful at relieving some frustration! She encourages Carlene to try some martial arts!

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Gigi enlists the help of the hot preacher to get Amanda to attend a Christian singles seminar. Amanda can barely contain her excitement!

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Amanda gets a creepy letter from the dead -- it’s from Bill! From what I can read, it looks like an apology letter but she sure does seem pissed off after reading it!

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Carlene decides that maybe a little biblical role-play will save their marriage. I’m sorry but this is in no way sexy -- that Eve outfit is ridiculous!

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Sharon calls up the Texas Chili Council Culinary Hotline and receives more than chili advice from Bethany May!

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Heather ends up tricking Amanda into going to the Singles Group…

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Unfortunately, it’s being led by some pretty unqualified teachers.

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Carlene, being the meddling busybody that she is, decides to give Blake some books that will prevent Cricket from practicing dirty martial arts.

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Just kidding! Blake tries to get angry at Cricket for telling Carlene how she remains satisfied in their marriage. She puts him in his place pretty quick and reminds him that living with their lie isn’t so easy on her. If anything, she’s the one that will look bad if anyone ever finds out about their arrangement!

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I loved the scene where Cricket warns Carlene not to project her sin onto others and to fix her marriage and leave Cricket’s alone! I think Cricket might be my favorite character. I feel really bad for her but I think she’s a strong woman!

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Zach accidently puts more than a smidge of chili in Sharon’s famous recipe and to deflect Amanda getting her lips on something else of hers, Sharon is rendered speechless by too many Scotch Bonnets! Amanda tempts her with milk but only if she confronts Zach about his infidelity! She does and Zach looks defeated!

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Ripp wants to make sure that Amanda isn’t hiding any secrets about her late-husband’s money, so he tricks her into writing down all her secrets and putting them in a divorce piñata. Then he realizes that everyone’s secrets will mix together! He pulls the fire alarm to steal Amanda’s secrets!

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Despite the night’s failures, Heather gets her kiss with the millionaire.

Sharon gets Zach to admit the real reason Amanda’s arrival has shaken him -- he misses his glory days. This ignites something in Sharon as well, and I guarantee that someone is going to be doing some major dieting/exercising on the next episode!

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Blake and Cricket make up and both realize that despite their lack of a sex life, they both give each other what they need and love each other very much. How funny was the remote mix-up?

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Amanda finally has her breakdown and admits that she is angry with Bill for everything he did to her. Looks like that divorce piñata wasn’t such a bad idea…

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...except, her piñata was filled with everyone else’s secrets!

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Ripp finally admits to Carlene that he’s been preoccupied with how much money he lost to Bill Vaughn. She understands, after he clears up that they are still rich, and they get back to getting busy! As they are reading Amanda’s secrets, they come to the conclusion that Amanda is still hiding something and Bill might still be alive!

Favorite quotes of the night:

Sharon: “I said use a smidge!”

Zach: “What the hell is a smidge!?”

Carlene: “Are we poor?”

Ripp: “No, darling, we’re still very, very rich. Just not very, very, very rich.”

Photos courtesy of ABC; captions written by the author
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