"I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo ha… Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!"
"There is only one [baby], there is only one girl… But I did get knocked up by a baller… A big football player."
"I just started calling myself 'Swamp Ass.' Like, I have swamp ass right now. I had major swamp ass because I was wearing these Spanx to hold in my gut… It's like the bayou up in that [area]."
"Stayed up past my bedtime. Now it's time for my big girl panties and sleeping bra!!"
"I am definitely feeling intimate — and how! I'm kind of unstoppable right now. The Big O is, like, the biggest O ever!"
"The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that! RT @OMGFacts The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!"
So when can we expect Simpson's gross-out comments to transition from pregnancy woes to dirty diaper descriptions? She once said early spring — Tuesday was the first day of spring! — but last week said she still had a few weeks to go.
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