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GCB episode 2 recap: Good Christian boobies!

Ashley Spivey is a former bachelorette from season 15 of The Bachelor where she holds the record for longest limo cry in the show's history. She now has the sweetest boyfriend in the world, lives in New York as a nanny, and writes for he...

GCB gets chesty

This week's episode of GCB was all about chicken wings and breasts.

Last week GCB reined in the Desperate Housewives crowd, eager for a new cast of gossipy women to add some drama and humor into their lives. This week, GCB decided to go for the male demographic with an episode that was almost entirely centered around BOOBIES!

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GCB pilot review: Southern fried and funny >>

Amanda is still trying to defy her mother by refusing to let her children shop with grandma’s money. With her boobylicious earnings, Amanda decides to be smart with her money and buy her children’s clothes from Armadillo Mart. Unfortunately, the maid also shops at Armadillo Mart…

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Sharon is still terrified that Zack is in love with Amanda. After tasting a stain on his tie, Sharon figures out that Zack has indeed been frequenting Boobylicious and sampling Amanda’s wings.

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Gigi decides to throw a luncheon in Amanda’s honor but Carlene and her cronies have already started spreading rumors to prevent people from going. Personally, I love showing up to luncheons where some spectacle happens — luncheons are always so boring. They succeed, though almost everyone sends regret flowers and decides not to come.

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I’m Southern, so I can definitely vouch that Southern women love their guns but dear Lord — do you really need one for every purse and a couple of shotguns in the closet?

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Gigi is so ridiculous and I love it!

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Cricket is upset with Blake because he is missing their daughter, Alexandra’s, debut as head cheerleader at a pep rally so he can entertain 80 cowboys. This, of course, is not a shock to us because we know that Blake is flamboyant and also because his boyfriend is on the other line, pissed that he is contemplating missing their anniversary and a homemade tarte tatin!

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Before the pep rally, the girls of Hillside High School will be branded a fox or a javelina (pig). Since the women can’t seem to get through to Amanda, they decide to use their daughters to brand Amanda’s daughter, Laura, as a javelina. Carlene also displays her talent for being able to figure out if people have used the same plastic surgeon by copping a feel.

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Carlene, upset with it now being public knowledge that she owns Boobylicious, decides to reform its image. The girls will now wear nun-like uniforms and will participate in a documentary she is filming called “The Boobylicious Project.”  Ultimately, she just wants Amanda to quit but Amanda has other plans…

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Sharon decides to prevent Zack from going back to Boobylicious by preparing all the fried foods and wings he could ever want. With a strategically placed wing, I think she mostly just makes him lose his appetite and forces him to eat healthier.

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Amanda and Carlene decide to “throw down” and settle their differences. For a hot second, I really did think that Carlene had gotten over her issues and she thanks Amanda for actually making fun of her enough to get plastic surgery and look the way she currently does. Turns out, she really just wanted to get Amanda 80 miles out of Dallas so she could leave her stranded. Pig gets shotgun, biatch, javelinas have to stick together. Amanda is left helpless and unable to prevent her daughter from being branded as a pig.

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Luckily, Amanda does make it to the pep rally a little late but Laura has been crowned as a fox. The women decided that it would be easier to spy on Amanda’s actions and whereabouts if their daughters are close to Laura. These good Christian b*tches are smart y’all!

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You know what wasn’t smart? Alexandra’s doctor’s decision to give her Cs instead of Bs. Her boobs couldn’t fit inside that tiny cheerleading top much longer and she truly did make a huge debut as head cheerleader at the rally.

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What was the lesson we learned in the last episode? Oh yeah — You reap what you sow, ladies!

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I have to say that my heart just hurts for Cricket. It must be such a shame to sleep next to these abs almost every night for almost 18 years and know that you aren’t the person he’s in love with.

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No wonder they need such a ridiculously huge bed! Cricket must go searching for those abs when she gets lonely in the middle of the night.

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Amanda goes to Ripp and tells him that if he doesn’t switch the uniforms back, all the waitresses are going to quit because they aren’t making enough tips. That whips him into shape and the girls get to wear their normal uniforms again! Carlene is furious but Amanda made sure to make a concession to Carlene by adding a bible verse to the back. Guess the score is now Amanda — 2 and Carlene — 0!

Photos courtesy of ABC; commentary added by author
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