Michelle Duggar's Awful Marriage Advice

Michelle Duggar has some advice on how to keep your man. Hint: Be totally submissive and don't make a move without asking first.

Michelle Duggar Jim Bob Duggar

Having a hard time keeping a man? Maybe it's because you're a shameless hussy who makes your own money, doesn't cave in to his sexual demands when you're not in the mood and goes to your girlfriends for advice. Luckily for you, Michelle Duggar is here to set you straight. Follow her tips and you'll be on your way to a near-abusive marriage in no time!

The mother of 19 -- who is, to be fair, by all accounts very happily married to Jim Bob Duggar -- was shown on the season premiere of 19 Kids and Counting speaking at a conference, and as part of her presentation, handed out a list of ways to fulfill the needs of your husband. Only one of these methods is even remotely reasonable.

The Duggars endorse Rick Santorum >>

A poster on Television Without Pity was able to transcribe part of the handout, and this is the advice she gave. Remember, this is the year 2012.

"Seven Basic Needs of a Husband"

1. A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man.

  How does a wife destroy her husband's manliness?

  A. By expecting him to know what protection you need

  • Physical
  • Spiritual
  • Mental
  • Emotional

 Tell your husband how he can protect you.

  B. By being financially independent

  • Love is killed by self-sufficiency.
  • Whoever controls the money controls the leadership.

Center your work and your ministry in your home.

  C. By giving greater loyalty to outside leadership

  • Pastor and church leaders
  • Men and women Bible teachers
  • Relatives and friends

Ask your husband your spiritual questions.

  D. By resisting his decisions in your spirit

  • A wife's spirit controls her husband's ambitions.
  • Reviewing past failure destroys a husband's self-worth.

 Learn to wisely appeal to your husband

  E. By resisting his physical affection

  • This is the unspoken crushing of a man's spirit.
  • A wife's Godliness is a powerful guard against her husband's abuse of…"

The Duggars escape for Valentine's romance >>

Unfortunately, that's where the first page cut off and the transcription ends.

Let's examine this, shall we? The first part actually sounds like pretty decent advice: Don't assume a man can read your mind. Tell him what you want. Easy enough, right?

But it's immediately after that lesson that things rapidly go downhill. The rest of Duggar's relationship advice reads like a chapter from The Abusive Husband Handbook. According to her, the woman should be financially dependent upon her husband, never ask anyone but him for advice, let him make all the decisions and always give him sex when he wants it, even if you'd rather dig your eyeballs out with a spoon than take your skirt off.

No wonder she has all those kids. Saying no to that hunk of a man Jim Bob is simply out of the question.

Tell us: Is Michelle Duggar's marriage advice brilliant or BS?

Image courtesy Scott Enlow/TLC


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Comments on "How to keep your man a la Michelle Duggar"

Gert November 01, 2012 | 9:41 PM

How can she have all those children when she is soooooo modest. Does she keep her clothes on? Seems like ol Jim Bob should think of what all these births are doing to his wife's body. Just wondering------hey if they are happy, fine, but it does make me wonder about her.

Laura November 01, 2012 | 8:56 PM

Frankly, they seem happier than most couples I know, so I can't criticize.

Brooke October 26, 2012 | 4:09 PM

LOL LOL LOL the only thing funnier than this story was the comments. People scare me. How can you live in such a magic fantasy land? HAHA

MEEE! October 17, 2012 | 6:23 AM

My husband and I both work, and any financial decisions we make are made together. I am responsible for balancing the budget, and my figures are open at all times to him. Any money issues are up for discussion. As far as is concerned, he and I are sure to respect each others' wishes at all times (if I don't feel up to it, he won't push the issue.) We worship the same God, attend church and work in the ministry together, and pray for and with each other at home. Michelle and Jim Bob have been married for over twenty years, and God has blessed them in their home. They live by a very strict interpretation of the Bible. Don't knock them; you do what works in your house.

Mom to Seven August 25, 2012 | 6:16 PM

This advise it what I will give to my daughters. There is nothing in her beliefs that is not outlined in the Bible. Women wishing to be financially independent, emotionally detached, and physically left alone is not what makes an ideal marriage, and guess what if you want to KNOW you can be financially independent IF you split. Well, you can pretty much count on splitting. For us divorce was never an option we just learned to make it work.

Jerus August 20, 2012 | 3:01 PM

Duggers advice is great. The problem is that most men are not raised by a man that teaches them against violence against women. However the answer to the problem in America's divorce rate is the BIBLE. Now I know that offends some of you who consider yourselves enlightened. Guess what I don't care what you think. I am unimpressed with the authors whimpering about abusive men. Its time for Dads to teach their boys that you NEVER hit a women even if she hits you!

tbb August 17, 2012 | 5:43 PM

Who the cares what the hell the duggars do or don't do. That show is for losers who have nothing else to do. Right up there with Jerry Springer and Cheaters.

Leslie August 17, 2012 | 10:15 AM

This is the most pathetic article by a truly lost author. If all she has to write about is putting down this godly woman, then she needs to find another profession. Because she does not understand the biblical model of marriage is no excuse for such poor journalism. I rate this article a -2 star.

J August 14, 2012 | 9:07 AM

Are you kidding me?!! It is 2012...NOT the 1950's! It's one thing to be "respectful" of eachother and WANT to meet eachothers needs,(that's how it SHOULD be.) However, to be "submissive" to your husband only leads to him being on even more of a "power trip" ("Oh...if I can get her to to this...let's see what else I can get her to do!") That only leads to the woman feeling "less than",inadequate, & likely becoming depressed about her life. What kind of a life is that to be constantly be questioning yourself,looking over your shoulder and being "micro managed" by your husband?! WAKE UP PEOPLE!!! (And yes, I AM a Christian!)

joy July 27, 2012 | 2:30 AM

I personally wouldn't want to be financially dependent upon my spouse because I like knowing I can provide for myself if we were to split, they dump me, or they die. I don't think there is anything wrong with her staying home with her children. It's sad that a lot of women who would prefer to do that can't. I think the thing about the not turning his advances down even if you're not in the mood is messed up.

BR July 23, 2012 | 7:18 PM

Wasnt the same advice in 50 Shades of Grey?

Haley July 18, 2012 | 11:45 PM

I think the negative comments are coming from people who don't understand that husbands have expectations that they must meet for wife's as well. You are only seeing one side of the story here, this isn't the bottom line. Also, Michelle leads a completely different lifestyle than most people and her faith system teaches her to do things differently than societal-norms. Anyone can see that Michelle is happy in her family and she is definitely not in an abusive relationship. She just believes differently than a lot of people and her advice is great for the people who are following the same path that she is. I personally don't agree with everything she said, especially about being financially dependent. I'm not married yet and I've struggled back and forth about whether or not I should stay home with the children and came up with the decision that I will be a working mom. My parents did it and I still excelled at school and with friends, they are still together almost 30 years later, and my mom's self-sufficiency DID NOT kill love, and they were BOTH leaders of the house.

Paula July 04, 2012 | 12:22 PM

I think Michelle and Jim Bob are great! With a ratio of 1 out of every 2 marriages ending in divorce,the problem is obvious! Everyone is so down right selfish. We should listen to them and more people would have happy marriages! Marriage is not about seeing what you can get. It's about seeing what you can give. In the end, you end up getting everything you need and want! It's a beautiful thing! And besides all that, its the Bible way.

Carrie Robinson July 02, 2012 | 1:41 PM

Some husbands have a habit of being so selfish. My husband expected me to do everything, work outside the home, do all the housework, yard work (mowing when I was pregnant). I got to bed around 11 at night and there he was waiting for . Needless to say, I'm happily married now, we share the work, I do the house, he does all the yard work. That's his hobby and he doesn't play golf, thank God.

B July 01, 2012 | 12:12 PM

@Jennifer (June 3) - You hit the nail on the head! Not only did you describe it far better than Mrs. Duggar, your marriage sounds very much like mine (right down to who runs the house and pays the bills, and who works and earns money). We, too, have a warm, loving, and very happy marriage because both of our needs are met. There is nothing crazy about putting your husband's before your own - as long as you've chosen a husband who will do the same for you!

Ross June 30, 2012 | 10:08 AM

When my mother passed away, Jim Bob came to her funeral. His newest baby and wife in a hospital hours away. I will never, not for the rest of my life, forget that act of respect for a woman and her family. You dummies posting "as to what kind of man he is", got it 100 percent wrong. God has blessed the Duggars and will continue to.

Tracy June 29, 2012 | 1:15 PM

To the women who seem extremely offended by this advice. Submission is a voluntary act and the Bible directs husbands and wives alike to submit to each other. likewise, husbands are supposed to look to the Lord for direction in life including their marriage. If this is done, then both spouses end up automatically submitting and serving together towards each other and the Lord. This way of living is meant to serve as an example for Christians to realize that this is how the Lord lived His life on earth submitting to men and women alike. We are learning to put others befor ourselves and what better way for wives to began than by serving their husbands. This is a much better example to teach our children than by showing them that serving themselves will gain them their womanhood. They will end up looking to find men just as independent and self-serving as they are. Imagine two selfish parents raising children, thats the average American family and I won't quote the divorce rate to prove my point any further. Anytime someone's advice is to love and serve another person through voluntary submission, some form of goodness always results from it!! So try it with your mate for 30 days and see if there isn't an improvement in your relationship. Ifot, what did you lose?

Ann June 28, 2012 | 5:54 AM

If her husband is as wonderful as she says, he would not let her body be run down by continually getting her pregnant. He is a selfish man. When she wants , let him tell her, "Honey, I have a headache"

Robyn June 26, 2012 | 10:50 AM

With all the divorce in our country, it seems like mans way is not working? I am thankful the Duggars example of a godly family. Michelle looks awesome! She does not look abused to me!

Sandy June 24, 2012 | 5:06 PM

I think the author, and some of the commentors, have sorely missed the point of Michelle Duggar's suggestions. This isn't about what a husband demands, it is about what a wife DECIDES to freely give. If she decides she wants to be submissive to her husband, that is HER making her own decisions... NOT someone abusing her. To think otherwise seems to be a sign of self involvement on the part of the nay-sayers IMO. Maybe *you* wouldn't choose to grant a man authority. That is your choice. But stop acting like a woman is lesser because she *chooses* to grant that authority in her own relationship. Not being you, or making choices you would make, does not make someone weak or abused. I think the moral of this story is that there are plenty of women out there not respecting the rights and decisions of other women!

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