When a woman rejects your heart on national TV, what's a guy to do? Look for love on The Bachelor, of course.
Ben Flajnik brought his bouncy hair back to TV on ABC's The Bachelor Monday night, reminding us what we find so appealing about this train wreck of a show -- the deliciously crazy women.
The Bachelor premiere had everything we'd hope it would have -- a woman on a horse, an old lady with crutches, crazy ladies with even crazier eyes than Vienna Girardi and, of course, Ben Flajnik flexing his muscles for the hungry prey.
Still no sign of a Bentley Williams in heels, but give it time, we're sure there's someone psychotic enough to fill his shoes.
We'd be lying if we said our favorite guilty pleasure show didn't rise to the occasion in the "laughable moments" category, so here's just a few moments that made us giggle...
When in doubt, always ride in on your trusty steed. Lindzi wasn't horsing around when she made her entrance -- the girl literally rode in on a horse.
Now, we've seen this in the previews, but it's still ridiculous no matter how many times we see it. Ben fell for it -- hoof, line and sinker. Lindzi got the "first impression" rose.
We weren't sure how the granny was going to fit into the The Bachelor, but it turns out she actually came with a scheme up her sleeve -- to get her granddaughter a leg up in the competition.
That lady was not a contestant. She was the grandmother of Brittney who wanted to play up the family card. Way to play the "aww" card, girl.
Then there was the girl who liked to eat cow testicles, Amber T., and rapping Emily, who hand-sanitized and breath-sprayed the death out of poor Ben before giving him the first kiss of the night.
Those two were just a beautiful mess.
They were all worthy of a mention, but no one takes the crazy-cake like Jenna who locked herself in the bathroom and almost choked on her own tears, or Monica, who was more interested in another girl than Ben.
It was definitely a night of shameless selling and awkward firsts, but Ben Flajnik had to narrow the field down.
For everyone keeping track at home, we'll make this easy. Every week we'll post all the girls' names who made it through in list form, just like they're on a menu -- well, they kind of are.
Say goodbye to Amber T., Amber B., Lyndsie J., Dianna, Holly, Anna and Shira.
Say hello to...
Blakeley, 34, VIP cocktail waitress, Charlotte, North Carolina
Brittney, 26, medical sales rep, Denver, Colorado
Casey S., 26, trading clerk, Leawood, Kansas
Courtney, 28, model, Santa Monica, California
Elyse, 24, personal trainer, Chicago, Illinois
Emily, 27, PhD student, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Erika, 23, law student, Chicago, Illinois
Jaclyn, 27, advertising account manager, Newton, Massachusetts
Jamie, 25, registered nurse, Dryden, New York
Jenna, 27, blogger, New York City, New York
Jennifer, 28, accountant, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Kacie B., 24, administrative assistant, Clarksville, Tennessee
Lindzi C., 27, business development manager, Seattle, Washington
Monica, 33, dental consultant, Salt Lake City, Utah
Nicki, 26, dental hygienist, Hurst, Texas
Rachel, 27, fashion sales rep., New York City, New York
Samantha, 26, advertising account manager, Los Angeles, California
Shawn, 28, financial advisor, Phoenix, Arizona
Photo credit: ABC